I am being baptized next week. And introduced formally to the church on Sunday. Today, I woke up completely ... content. I don't have any drive to do much of anything but look around and be pleased with various things I cannot recreate. Houses are built by fools like you and me; only God can build a tree.
He made me; and he is fixing me. Because he made me a slave; but freed me . And now I get to choose to be his slave again. He showed me his very own heart, and vulnerable genuine Love. I read the Gospel again last night, not realizing the date at all. I understood that everything he ever needs to say again is already written, and defends itself somehow. I understood just how proud he is of his Son. And that he loves his Son so incredibly much, that he taught him how to Love just the same. And his Son looked out into the World, at the most wretched heart of Man, of the flesh completely, like Me. And he saw no evil. And he heard their blasphemy and ... heard no evil. He spoke of them, and spoke no evil. He knew no evil, because God had made his Son as a Man, and humble. God Humbled Himself For Me. Just to teach me what humble means. God Has Served Me. Just to teach me what service means. God Has Loved Me. Just to show me how to love. And why? Because he loves his own Son; and his Son has decided for some reason that absolutely breaks my heart all the way down every single day ... some incredible forgiving love for who may just as well be Satan himself. And ... I am dust again. And he makes me again. Just because he wants his Son to be proud of his work. And he wants to see it Good.
And now I have to cry some more. And love some more. And let him take me out of my flesh. So that I don't die in it. Because ... He is my Savior.
I'm ready to be baptized, since I woke up this morning. I prayed last night, to let me die a death, and bring me back with his own breath. After finding that every knowledge, every success, every gift, every good deed ... and even thorough bible study and absolute faith with a whole heart ... well the heart lies. And the Bible is Truth.
And God is not any of these things; but Love.
