The questions for this week took me lots of time to digest but I am glad I can finally answer at least one of the options.
Option one asks
If you could permanently change any physical thing about your body or face what would you choose and why
If I was asked this question a year ago I am sure I would politely talk about how contented I was with every part of my body, from my head to my toe. I use to look at myself in the mirror and smile because I knew I was wonderfully and beautifully made and I maintained my body that way.
I know you must be wondering what happened in just one year, well motherhood happened I had a baby.
image source
When I found out I was pregnant I did a lot of research on how to eat well, stay fit and maintain my body. I followed every instruction and ate moderately too but I had a really big bump and no amount of exercise could change that. I ensured I used my oils daily to nourish the skin on my tummy to avoid stretch marks but in my 8th month loads of stretchmarks appeared from nowhere. It was a lot, super huge and dark.
I felt so bad because I knew how much effort I was putting into ensuring nothing like that ever happened but I guess my effort wasn’t enough. I let it pass because of the miracle I was carrying.
Finally, the baby arrived and I was diagnosed with severe diastasis recti for those who do not understand what that means, it means my abdominal muscles are largely separated causing a big bulge in the middle of my tummy, leaving me with the all known mummy pouch.
Now you understand what changed.
So my answer to the question right now will be my tummy, change how my tummy looks at the moment.
Every morning I take a look at my stomach in the mirror from all angles, I suck it in, hold my breath just to see if there is any change or if it looks better but still always the same result. Most days my partner catches me in these moments and reminds me of the gift the tummy brought to us and my tummy looks perfectly fine. For a few minutes I begin to adore how it looks and then the next minute I am back to wishing it wasn’t the way it is.
I was almost labeling it a problem for myself till I realized the only reason it is such a big issue with me is that I have made it so. I look at someone else who had just had a baby like me and begin to compare and decided that mine is bad and theirs is good.
I wasn’t even looking for a solution at the time I just wanted to compare and it wasn’t helping my self-esteem at all. A few months after his birth I began to realize how badly this one thing has taken over my thoughts and joy. It stopped me from completely having a good life because I was too ashamed to go out in a pretty dress just because of how I presumed others will see my tummy.
But for crying out loud, I needed to be reminded that I just had a baby.
I finally decided that enough was enough, I was going to embrace the new look, look for solutions to make it manageable and better rather than worrying and complaining so much.
I have started exercising to rebuild my abdominal muscle from the core, it would take a while but fingers crossed it reduces. I have come to accept the stretchmark because nothing is working for it at all.
But if I get the opportunity to change just one thing it would be getting my tummy back to the way it was but it is still ok if that never happens.
I have learned over time to love this new me and my tummy and appreciate it daily because I grew one of my best gifts ever. No more comparison with others because I have come to understand that people show you want they want you to see on the media, most time the reality of their postpartum tummy could be worst than mine. I have accepted that body change after childbirth, it can be scary, hard, and truly upsetting but it is normal because we are mothers.
