I don't know what's happened to you to get to this point but it's definitely not good. However, no matter how disappointed you are, there's always hope and there's a way.

I see you have been posting exclusively in BDCommunity till now and you posted this one on your blog, instead of a community. You may want to try to join a few communities as I think it could not only give your post more exposure, but you can meet people with similar problems and maybe it can help you get better, make the next step. I would suggest Emotions and Feelings and Ladies of Hive. Sometimes talking to complete strangers can be much more easier.

I hope you get better soon and also let me know if you need any help.