I remember in fifth grade when two girls discretely glanced back at me in the lunch line and proceeded to laugh as they whispered loudly enough “She’s so ugly.” I was confused but did not give it much thought at the moment. However, the words lingered in my head and I could not comprehend why anyone would use the word “ugly” to describe a person.
As I grew older I noticed how cruel people were and how hard they tried to fit in with the social standard. In middle school, I was the most awkward I have ever been in my life. I was afraid of socializing and being rejected by others since I was already the kid that people stared at oddly and referred to as a loser. After graduating middle school, I became so fed up with being a nobody, that I promised myself I would give maximum effort into fitting in.
The summer before starting high school, I got contacts, began to use makeup (a massive struggle), changed my hairstyle, and developed a new persona of who I hoped to become. Little did I know I was changing who I was just to be accepted by the people who I disliked from the beginning. In high school, I began to judge others and ignored those that were not “cool” enough. I engaged in disgusting conversations, where girls would talk crap about their peers and laugh at their Instagram pictures. My vocabulary began to include derogatory terms, and I even bragged about doing weed once. In other words, I was a fucking asshole. In this period of my life, I was truly ugly.
Towards the end of ninth grade, I was grouped with two girls for an art project. They were good friends, who were always quietly chatting in the back of the classroom. While meeting after school, we would work on the project and speak about all sort of things. I noticed how pure and beautiful their personalities were. They would speak positively about everything and mention their interests without fearing what I might think. One of them went on for about half an hour saying how much she enjoys anime and manga while laughing and calling herself a “comic nerd.” Instead of fitting in their aim was to belong instead. You could see how sincere and straightforward they were, without caring what others thought of them. They were proud to be themselves.
After meeting those girls and reflecting upon my actions during the summer of ninth grade I decided not to give a shit about what people think about me because:
1. People will always have something to say
2. You don’t need approval from others
3. What matters is that you love yourself for who you are
4. You can’t please everyone
5. At the end of the day, you only have yourself
As scary as it might sound just put yourself out there and be confident with being authentic. Plus, there will always be someone out there that will accept you for who you are.
Fuck the status quo.
