How about looking at your marriage as a training ground? For me, my husband is someone who very often puts me to the test in everyday life (he is a special person for me), because he provokes my weaknesses and pesters me until I simply don't put up with some things any more. I now welcome this constant friction between us, but perhaps I first had to grow so old to see it as a development opportunity for me. The whole thing only works if you don't take the everyday moments too seriously (anger is fleeting, just like joy). I am learning again and again to take his provocations (which can be perceived directly or indirectly) as a challenge, less as a fight.

I would therefore confirm that your worst judge is yourself. The fact that you would have liked to say something is a common phenomenon for all people, how often have I been annoyed by missed opportunities. The great thing about life is that it offers you the exercises you need every day until you find a way to react to such annoyances with more inner serenity. It is not a "problem that will always be solved from now on", but one that always wants to assure itself of your presence of mind.

Not to do certain things, but to let them be (like your husband who enjoyed TikTok instead of ironing his own shirts, for example), to take the freedom to behave in the same way. You would have this freedom if you were convinced that this was not a breach of duty but an occasional preference for your own pleasures, which would probably mean that you would also let him get away with his breaches of duty as "occasional". You can decide whether you want to ride on principles or give chance a chance. So I assume, without knowing for sure, that you also occasionally take time off from your duties?

If you manage to take them in a relaxed way and not as laziness or neglect of duty, a lot would already have been achieved, wouldn't it?

From their breakfast to dinner is my responsibility. I have to help them in their school home work. (Actually, I give them proper tuition).

You derive some pride or value for yourself from that, don't you? At least that's how I felt when my son was little. Although there were moments when I felt it was a burden. Nothing is always good or bad.