You seem to want to look for solutions and help the family and your wife. That honours you, but also puts you under pressure.

How does your mother-in-law live? Is she married and has a husband or does she live alone or is she in a nursing home? How is she doing other than having Alzheimer's? Is she frail, does she have many other illnesses, does she tend to be grumpy or how would you describe her disposition? Is she someone who can entertain others? What is her overall appearance? Do you have the impression that she is suffering? If not, then it is probably your wife as a daughter who is suffering.

I think Alzheimer's is probably more difficult for relatives to bear than for the patients themselves. If you don't know you're ill, it's as if you were healthy. The fact that she tells you to go to hell when you ask her about it is certainly very irritating.

It is said that the great oblivion, apart from the physical and scientifically based causes, often fails to think of the other, the unconscious, the misunderstood and unprocessed. As always, it sounds a bit esoteric and one can also say it with caution. If it is profitable for a person to forget something, to only remember his life spontaneously, so to speak, until he has finally forgotten it completely, perhaps a phenomenological construction will help the relatives to cope better with the Alzheimer's disease. If you don't know anything about phenomenological constructions, I would have to dig through my old articles where I wrote something about systemic family constellations. Let me know if you are interested. Or give it to your wife who can read it.