Perhaps selfishness has gotten a bad rep while the fantastical idealization of altruism has been overdone, conditioning us to waste far too much of our precious life energy on others of 7 billion on this planet we’ve never met who truly aren’t worth our time & attention. So foolish me for taking it personal when feeling those emotional waves of no one fucking caring.

In deed, it's a fantastic idealisation of altruism. People just go overboard in pointing out how helpful they are. And while there is nothing at all wrong with helpfulness, the constant revelation of "all the good I have done and all the good I intend to do" is a psychological trap. Those who like to help do so without wanting to take public credit for it. Social media is full of the bullshit of wanting to take on some disaster in order to raise money or else send emotional appeals into the world to "do the right thing".
Staying out of it is interpreted as weakness, not expressing an opinion as being a follower. But there is a difference between having a view and expressing it.

My spiritual crises often haunt me. I feel lost and lonely, as many people do. It is only the genuine encounters that make me feel part of a community for a while. Like the funeral of my aunt a few weeks ago, the funeral reception afterwards and my visit to the relatives in the house of the deceased. Or when I visit my brother's very old neighbour who tells me stories about her life. We then drink schnapps together and she can drink me under the table!

The other seven million are none of my business.

I also do not know, what I am doing. Who ever really knows?

All the best for you. Greetings from afar.