I don't know who I am when I look in a mirror and it's really like I'm doing it for the first time. There is someone strange looking back at me, when I try to look into the depths of the eyes, I find no one who seems to resemble me. I don't know if you've experienced this uncanny experiment where you look at yourself as if you're a third person and there's just nothing to define you. Being alone with yourself can be the scariest experience of all. And so this moment straps you back like a rubber band, back to the more superficial contemplation of self where you brush your teeth or do your hair.

I am probably exactly the person that others try to make of me and where I agree to create myself, there are no problems.
Where I feel hit, challenged or taken advantage of, my strange self resists integration as "this and that" and I try to straighten out this image. In my view, there is neither a complete self-definition nor a foreign definition of my humanity; it is formed anew in the emergence of the respective encounters and is therefore basically incomprehensible.

My secrets may be shocking for one person and exhilarating for another, so I may feel like an evil person towards one person, while I tend to laugh with the other about my supposed evilness. Where I am a monster for the one, the other can see nothing monstrous about me. In my world view, an isolated self can no more be completely authentic than a complete liar.

When no one is looking, I experience different states. On the one hand, I neglect, I don't care for myself, I feed myself badly because the absent social element of human companionship gives me no reason to care for and nourish myself. On the other hand, I do things that I would probably never do in company. I nurture myself, I care, but probably in ways that could be shocking, depending. Or deeply boring to look at.

But where I only wish to create a certain image of myself, where I wish to be known as "the same" on the outside, to establish a firm identity, I will certainly succeed very very well. But I feel that such things will nail me down and that when I try to move a little towards other sides, the others who have bought my image and want to keep me like this will try to piss on my back. Who would be to blame?

There is no "me" and no "we" - it's probably more a "MeWe" and then nothing of that kind, either :)