Thank you for the delivery of what was published through Lanka and Co.

As many times, I am not directly referring to the contents, but indirectly.

An unscientific assumption of mine is that as a possible recipient of this novel "medicine" I do not want to attribute any effect to it. This affirmation or suggestion I try to hold on to. The idea behind it is that an injection with it will not affect me in any way and that I will therefore come through the administration of harmful substances unscathed. It helps that I think that such small amounts as are contained in the doses cannot develop the great potential that is attributed to them. This self-suggestion is always on shaky ground when I feel fear. When the doubt arises that things could be different.

The fact that we as children did not show any particular or even any side effects of the vaccinations we were given may have to do with the fact that we did not attach any particular importance to the matter. I remember how we girls stood in a row and received the rubella vaccinations. I don't remember any particular thoughts or feelings of fear or joy. We were probably talking about other things or completely preoccupied with our own issues, not caring about where we were standing in line receiving medical treatment.

Even further back dates the memory of the swallow vaccination in primary school. I seem to remember accepting the sugar lump as a welcome sweet.

I suspect that people also deal with the subject unconsciously in a similar way, they don't care much about education and possible dangers because they don't want to know for the very reason that the father of the thought may cause exactly what one is afraid of to happen. Not underestimating the power of thoughts is something that concerns me. When my relative went into hospital for surgery, he didn't want to read the details of the medical information sheet and when I tried to read it out, he got angry and said "I don't want to know". Why do people do that? Is not knowing better than knowing? I suspect he wanted to believe himself uninfluenced and put himself full of confidence in the hands of the surgeons without sending out a doubt about the procedure and the abilities of those involved. He WANTED to trust. The interaction between people on a psychological level is always two-sided, feelings of a negative or positive nature are mutually dependent. So, as one surrenders and receives treatment, the striving is there to accomplish such in the most optimistic mindset possible, is it not?

The question is always: Can one trick oneself? Is what one has decided to believe or not believe in a strong influencer?

People who feel sick, miserable, they can revive in a short time, feel healthy, as soon as good news arrives, something happens that gives them a positive boost. A long-awaited package, falling in love, something like that. Someone who is in anticipation of a negative event may suddenly be so distracted by the occurrence of a positive event that they don't care about a misery they were previously afflicted with or thought they were afflicted with.

All this being said, it does not exclude the possibility that difficulties may arise on a material plane despite positive self-suggestion. This is no guarantee, and in the vicissitudes of human emotions and daily changing moods, things change and one does not have everything under one's own control.

I vacillate between "it doesn't die that quickly, no matter from which side you conjure up a danger." and "people die suddenly, from one moment to the next." Then it's not death that's worrying, maybe it's the fact that people don't want to get sick at all. Which is, of course, complete nonsense. We all get sick in time. There is no existence without physical/mental suffering.

To want to stay healthy, young, pretty and agile at all times and to go beyond every limit to do so seems wrong to me.

Of course, if I suffer pain myself, I wish to be pain-free. But only the occurrence and subsiding of this event shows me the difference. I then welcome times of joy and well-being much more than when I do not experience such differences. How can I appreciate something if I do not experience the opposite?

In summary, it is not so much in the biological medical considerations that is an issue for me, but my inner resistance to being coerced into something that in principle I have no desire to make a decision about. Putting myself in need of a decision is what upsets me. Curious, when I will make peace with it.