As it ever occurred to you that life is chaotic, nothing is certain or promised. We humans live our lives without being cognisance of how precious the present is, all we worry about is what comes next tomorrow which deprives us of the joy of the moment. Everyone has a comfort or safety zone, for most humans it is our family. People we can truly rely on because we are rest assured that they have our best interest at heart. One of the most beautiful thing about family is the ability of each member to trust one another, creating an unbreakable bond.
Have you ever wondered what truly makes a family? Is it the blood or the bond? I mean it is always easier for people to believe that whoever they share blood relations with automatically makes them family, is that really true? For most children family is the first agent of socialisation, parents being the sole guardian of the family. Being empowered with the responsibility of taking care of the children and directing them towards the right path. As a child grows older, the blood matters not but what truly matters is seeing individuals caring for their day to day needs automatically creates a bond between the parents and child regardless of the blood.
I mean I have heard of stories where by a child was mistakenly or intentionally swapped in the hospital without the knowledge of the parents. Both family took their child home thinking is theirs and they lived for many years before the truth eventually erupt but before the whole truth was discovered, I'm sure they all lived together like family, smiling together and bonding. Everything changes when the children finally discover who their true parents are, they become confused about which one to choose, the family they have known and bonded with or their biological parents.
What about cases of adoption, where the kids are adopted at a very young age without any knowledge of who their biological parents are but eventually they figure it out and suddenly they become pained and feeling the need to seek out their biological parents, it makes you wonder, is that really necessary? I'm sure they want answers, they want to know who their biological parents are but it doesn't change the facts. They were adopted for a particular reason, it is either they were abandoned or their biological parents died or they were willingly given up for adoption by their parents due to one reason or the other.
Situations like this are always very tricky because the moment a child finds out about his/her parents not being his/her biological parents the need to seek out their biological parents will supercede any other desire they might have, with their emotions clouding their judgement and reasoning. Well putting myself in their shoes, I mean finding out I was the only adopted child among my siblings, what exactly would be my reaction?
Alright this is a very complex question but I will try to explain it with an example that fits. You know that look you get after you board a bus, getting to the destination you suddenly realised your tfare is missing. Suddenly you start feeling sweat crawling down your face and suddenly you are unable to find the right words to explain your situation to the driver, that is exactly how I'm going to react. Every other action I take from that moment now depends on what I said earlier, the reason behind the adoption and the nature of my "supposed" adopted parents.
Situations like this are always very sensitive but as long as I believe the adoption was based on all the right reasons and my "supposed" adopted parents happens to be very good people, it will reduce the rate at which I feel guilty for my existence and my resentment towards my "supposed" adopted parents. They would surely have their reason for keeping such information from me, I mean no one can really predict the reaction of a child after telling them they are adopted and situation like this, not all parents knows how to handle it, instead most parents just prefer to prevent the child from finding out.
If you are thinking about the best way it could be handled, in situation like this there is no best way because there are some variables parents needs to consider before disclosing such information. For instance, is the child matured enough? is the child mentally stable to handle such information? What will be the psychological effect of disclosing such information? Truth be told, when it comes to matters such as this, it is difficult to really predict the actions that will be taken until you find yourself in the exact same situation. Just like they say "pain can only be better described by those who had felt it"
This write-up was inspired by weekly featured content titled "Am I adopted" in hive learners community.
Cover image - 𝖣𝖾𝗌𝗂𝗀𝗇𝖾𝖽 𝗎𝗌𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝖼𝖺𝗇𝗏𝖺
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