It takes high level of understanding, to value the act of listening. There are lot of misunderstanding that could have been cleared, if only people could listen genuinely. When I say listen, it is not just about hearing someone speak but taking time to digest what they have said and try to respond to them based on what they have said, you being able to understand where they are coming from but humans barely listen, it is only when the situation forces us to do so.
The act of listening requires focus, you look at the person in question like they are all that matters at that moment because there are things that you might be privileged to listen to despite not being spoken of. I remember when I was a kid, I used to have issues with my classmates in school because they can't understand why a kid would willingly want to sit alone without interacting with anyone, they usually throw things at me some times, despite not being outspoken, I was not still the gentle type. As much hell they try to rain on me, I gave it back to them.
I was not having any issues with my academics but I was not socialising like other kids. So anytime I get into fights whenever my classmates try to pick on me, our class teacher is aware that I would never start a fight but whenever they look at the kids that started the fight they look far worse than I do. It always feels as if I beat them on purpose, which kind of just complicate the situation. My class teacher would handle the situation but eventually my parents were informed.
The situation with me was that, I used to be a very playful kid but it has always been with selected few, my elder brother being my best friend but the moment he left for boarding school, everything changed, it suddenly felt like I had lost someone. My parents noticed the changes and they kept asking me what happened but I never really said anything, my parents were very busy people and hardworking. Which kind affected the time spent with their kids.
It was like there was no one for me to talk to and I wasn't speaking to anyone but the issue was, I believe I was speaking but I wasn't using any words. Silence was my language and it remained so till today, though my parents eventually figured it out but it took awhile. So for someone like me, I prefer to listen to other people and try to offer advice to the best of my knowledge but I don't communicate in the same way.
I prefer people to notice the change in my mood than for me to speak out, believe me, I have gotten a lot better. Before when something is bothering me or someone does something to me, I keep it to myself and keep looking at them. Like I'm expecting them to notice they had done something. It wasn't as if I had no one that would listen to me around me, I was just the type that doesn't speak of things bothering me, I prefer to deal with it silently. In times like that, I usually withdraw from people to a place of comfort till I figure things out. I'm just glad I found out about writing, it helped me a lot.
To handle people like me for instance, it is never about just listening but focusing on me to notice the things I won't say because silence is my language. God knows I gave my parents hard time before they began to understand my personality, I remember my mom yelling at me a couple of times as a kid, she was like - why wouldn't you talk, when something is bothering you, you speak up but yet I wouldn't. I guess I just wanted her to notice my unspoken words, as someone who prefers to listen to others than talk about my own worries, I would say, I wouldn't even notice if people around me are willing to listen to me because I wouldn't say anything.
This write-up was inspired by weekly featured content titled The art of listening in hive learners community.
Cover image - 𝖣𝖾𝗌𝗂𝗀𝗇𝖾𝖽 𝗎𝗌𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝖼𝖺𝗇𝗏𝖺
Image 1
Image 2
