I perceive fear as a natural defense mechanism that protects us from commiting silly mistakes or an indication that constantly reminds us of our limits. As insignificant as fear might seem sometimes, it plays a large role in our decision making process. It controls us in ways our mind can't comprehend, it is paralyzing.
As a human, I have had to overcome all manner fears just to survive, it is never pretty but just something that needed to be done. In a recent prompt I discussed one of the situations when I had no choice but to get something done, regardless of how I felt about it. I would have love to describe the experience again but I would talk about a different one.
The thing about fear is that, it doesn't really matter what it is, something that seems little to someone can be what another person is trembling in front. What I'm about to discuss might sound silly to most people but it is one of the fears I'm struggling to overcome. Which is my fear for needles or anything hospital/clinic related.
The first time was when it was mandated for everyone in my primary school to get an immunisation injection. I can't really remember what it was meant for but they grouped us based on our age and class but at every point, I always find ways to escape.
Little did I know that they were marking register for every kid that took the immunisation injection and some how, they figured out I haven't taken mine. I was handpicked from my class along with some other stubborn kids at the last moment when I thought I had escaped.
I remember nearly crying my eyes out before reaching the principal office. They were close to calling my parents to figure out if there was any reason why I'm so reluctant to take an injection. Well they never knew it was my first time of getting punctured by a needle or getting injection.
Thankfully one of those immunisation health worker, who isn't putting on any uniform, probably he pulled it off to make him less terrifying. I'm sure the moment I saw him suddenly I was at ease. I mean I could see he wasn't putting on any uniform, so I thought he wasn't one of them. The moment this man stretched his hand to save me from the rest of the team who are struggling to take me into the principal's office, I quickly jumped in his arms. I don't think I have ever felt so happy to see a stranger like the way I did that day. Well this man actually took me into the principal's office and he sat me down without making any suddenly move.
He took his time to calm my nerves and eventually he brought out the injection, immediately I felt tricked. Fear is a fickle thing, all that is needed is a trigger to turn it off and on. The man noticed I was panicking again, so he reassured me that, if at any point I feel any pain while receiving the injection, he would stop and that will be the end of the exercise. Hearing that, I already made up my mind that, even if I don't feel any pain, I was going to pretend like I was in pain. He wouldn't know and he would have no choice but to keep his promise. So I agreed to his condition.
Believe me when I say every job demands professionalism. This man was so quick, by the time he injected me, I didn't notice. I just felt something that feels like a mosquito bite and that was it. I guess the fear was just in my head or probably it is about the things I have heard about kids getting injected In wrong places and suffer serious consequences.
I mean we have a lot of quack nurses or health workers or people pretending to be and I wouldn't want to be anybody's object of experiment. If they needed anything to practice their needle work, they should probably get rodents not a living human like me.
The fourth time was the worst and the most recent, it was a requirement for something but in this case, it wasn't so urgent like the rest. So I had weeks to prepare for it before going to the clinic. This time it was a vaccine, specifically COVID-19 vaccine. The news surrounding this vaccine wasn't encouraging at all and around that time, the COVID-19 vaccination card was like a passport to get into places. Some banks and companies wouldn't allow anyone without the vaccination card to get into there premises. Most importantly, I was in the last semester of my final year, which means my service year was approaching.
Unfortunately, it was also a requirement demanded before anyone is allowed access into NYSC camp. I spent weeks listening to people's review of the vaccine, lucky for me, my school clinic was among COVID-19 vaccination centre. That day was on Friday, I had no lecture, I had to quickly run to the clinic in order to get in the front line. It took awhile before it was my turn and after taking turns filling out some documents, it was finally my turn to get vaccinated. I decided to line up where I can get vaccinated by a woman because I believed she would be more gentle but I was wrong.
When this woman injected me, it was like she stabbed me because I could barely feel my arm. I started regaining control of my arm few minutes after taking the injection. By the time I got out of the clinic, my whole body was already shivering and I was feeling sick. By the time I got home I was already having fever and the pain in my arm was beyond what I could tolerate. I had to take painkillers. It took about a week before the pain disappeared, throughout that week I couldn't use my right arm for any chores.
Everyone was going back to get the second and third dosage, I never went back. At least I have the card and sincerely speaking that was the main reason why I decided to take the vaccine. That was how my days of being vaccinated ended, I wouldn't want to find myself in a position of taking any vaccine anytime soon. Do I still feel the fear? definitely yes. Why did you think I refused to go back for second and third vaccination? I don't think my fear for it is going anywhere.
This write-up was inspired by weekly featured content titled Fear in hive learners community.
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