When it comes to setting of objectives and planning to achieve goals, I live a life compared to a machine or robot. In the sense that, the one thing that keeps me going everyday has always been about what I need to achieve. Which simply means my life is goal driven.
Planning of my activities ahead, reduces the rate at which I get anxious about what is next. This act has become a character of mine or should I say a way for me to peak into the future ahead. like they say "if you fail to plan, you will plan to fail." Every act and step is all spelt out in my mind in details, it doesn't always work out as planned but I still know what to do if doesn't.
The way I see the world has always been different either spherical or circular in shape has never mattered to me. My major concern has always been to find a reason for my existence. I mean why are we all here doing God knows what till eventually we cease to exist. It is natural for every human to find their purpose as we grow which kind of just occur to us, a phenomenon called the growth process but I never gave myself time to grow before seeking the answers to questions that can only be found in the process of growth.
Gradually I dive into rigorous thinking, an act most people called being a deep thinker. An obsessive disease of the mind, that makes a human more fixated on details of any sort of event. It drains my ability to have fun, since I consider most fun oriented activities to be illogical. My mind is like a database that analyse every action I take before I could even act on it. The major reason behind this act of thinking, is to always find a way to figure out, if there will be any form of consequences as result of my actions.
This kind of thinking pattern has its downside and effects, the fear of the unknown. It is no doubt that humans occasionally tends to leap before thinking, that has never been my case. In a situation I'm unable to fully understand the complexity of an event, I would not be able to take an action.
It place my body in a paralysis state, meaning I'm only capable of acting on what is known. I have tried many times to just do things and go with the flow but I'm just lying to myself because along the line, my mind will subconsciously start digging for details. I have made a lot of research about it, it is known as a protective mechanism projected by the mind to prevent our physical self from getting hurt, every human has it, mine just seem to be more proactive.
That is why whenever I'm participating in a prompt I have to be aware of its details or try to understand the topic as much as possible because the moment my mind detects an unknown variable it starts wondering what that unknown is. Until I embark on research to fill that knowledge gap, most times I just feel stuck.
This write-up was inspired by weekly featured content titled Planning or impulsive in hive learners community.
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