I recently got to spend a lot of time with my niece. She's the most adorable little person. She has a wonderful personality, she is exceptionally good at reading people, situations and "vibes".
Two of the days that I was playing the crazy aunt, I got to spend with her and some other kiddos in the circle of family-friends who are of similar ages and it's amazing to watch the different interactions.
The first set of kids (three boys all slightly older than her), she didn't seem interested in playing with at all as she could gauge that they were too rough and tumble for her and she was right. That afternoon ended with the two brothers fighting and her clinging to me most of the day. We painted a picture together and went for a gals dip in the pool. In a way I was really proud of her being able to discern whether the boys would be a good personality match for her and her decision to stick by my side made me feel rather honoured.
The second playdate was with a set of twins. Brother and sister only a year older than her but again, vastly different personalities to hers yet within minutes she had struck up a conversation with them and they all went outside to start getting to know one another. That then later turned into running through the sprinklers together, playing tag, painting and colouring, playing lego and watching shows together over snacks and later eating a hearty meal as friends.
I am not by any means a child specialist and all I do is observe and draw conclusions based on my own experience of children and common sense.
Of course kids are going to have differences every now and then but to be able to tell kids apart like that at the age of 5, get a feel for them and whether they are quality friend material is a really important skill to learn early on. My niece only a year back just wanted to be friends with everyone and it was only through having many conversations that she apparently came around to the idea that not everyone is good or worthy of friendship. It made me happy to see her using her judgement soundly and applying the lessons that we all have been giving her. I often ask her about her playmates in school, whether they get along, the value of having good quality, solid friends, I've explained the differences of acquaintances and friends which she hasn't quite grasped yet, I've spoken to her about bullying and the signs to watch out for and so on.
These are all important parts of learning and adapting to her environment and being able to either fit in or stand out depending on the circumstances and people involved. I've also taught her that saying No doesn't require an explanation when it comes to things like peer pressure. She's a smart child and while I obviously want her to be able to have a big circle of friends at this age, I also want to start planting seeds in her mind that not everyone is good for you all the time and that you won't always get along with everyone you meet and there's nothing wrong with that at all. I don't want her feeling dejected at this age about people that may not be a good fit because at the age of 5, not everyone is as gentle and kind as she is and the sooner she learns for what to look out for, the better she'll be for it.
When you were a kid did your family members teach you things like this or did you have to figure it out on your own? What kind of scenarios did you find the most difficult about childhood?
Feel free to tell me in the comments.
The photo is mine, taken by me
