To all those people who say practice smiling in front of the mirror no matter how you feel, I say hum bug!
To all the parents who tell their children they have to be nice no matter how they feel, I say hum bug!
A smile can say thank you; it can apologize; it can say that you're happy. Often times, people smile when they don’t really feel like it. They do so during job interviews, dinner parties, and every such public occasion in order to look more approachable. But you can tell the difference. One of the key ingredient in a genuine smile is the movement of the eye muscle, that causes the eyes to close. The vast majority of people that fake smile will show no movements in the upper face area. Another indicator is whether your bottom teeth are showing, if they are you are seeing a fake smile. With a real smile mouth muscles move upward.
Smiling may be nice and nice maybe sweet and accommodating and agreeable and polite. But nice does not describe what we believe in. And nice does not exude character or personality, authenticity or integrity.
People, myself included, generally value authenticity over niceness. I would rather someone tell me to my face what they really think then smile and say niceties to me that are dishonest.
Phoney smilers are people seeking approval from others, they are not living their own truth and have not set boundaries with the world.
Healthy boundaries are key for sincere kindness to take place. Self-respect, boundaries, and compassion all go hand in hand. It is difficult to have one without another. Avoiding or running from tough situations does not set clear boundaries.
It is better to be imperfect, real and brave!
