THE CHRONICLES OF GIN
A Serialized Gingerbread Man Retelling for Adults
Epilogue: Into the End (and New Beginnings)
I fell to the ground in agony. You just can’t be in someone's mouth and come out dry (oh, grow up), and the enzymes from Harvey's saliva burned terribly. I rolled to my tummy, then back onto my back when I realized that somehow hurt more.
Was I dying? It sure felt like it. The sun was hot on my mushy surface and it reminded me of the oven, the only time in my life when I’d known any semblance of peace. I can’t be sure how long I lay there.
I began to question the wisdom of exchanging a swift and moderately painful death for a slow, excruciating one when my view of the sun was blocked by a being with huge, brilliant white wings.
Do angels take good cookies to heaven? I thought to myself. The entity shifted out of silhouette, and I saw that he was an ethereally beautiful bird. Almost unbelievably so. Like, Kitherine whom? Miss what?
“I think... it might be okay if you ate me…” I whispered, mildly delirious.
His face contorted in breathtaking revulsion. “Now you’ve gone and made it weird. Hard pass.”
And he started walking away.
“You're just going to leave me here…?”
“Uh, yeah? This is where I found you, we've never met before, and up close, you're kinda gross. Have fun dying, weirdo.” And with that, he gave an elegantly dismissive half-salute and continued walking away.
“Just 'cause you're beautiful doesn't mean you get to be an assh-le.”
He stopped mid-stride and turned back, gorgeous beak hanging open in shock. Then he just cackled.
“Oh my GOD, finally!” he screamed. “Everyone lets me say or do whatever I want because I’m sooo pretty, I can’t stand it! Oh, it feels so good to have someone just say those words… What a rush! I owe you one. Tell you what, I’ll take you anywhere you want to go over water or air. Just say where!”
“But I'm dying…”
“Ehhh… there's a fair amount of clay in the soil here, and you're sprawled out in the midday sun, so pretty soon all your wet spots will be fully dry and you might actually be stronger than ever. We just need to wait.”
“Really?!”
“It’ll probably hurt like a mother until then though.”
“Yeah, that sounds about right,” I winced. “I'm a little disappointed, actually.”
“You wanna die that bad?”
“Why should I want to live?”
“Because anyone who made you feel like sh-t doesn't deserve the satisfaction,” he replied with a grin that would have looked insane if he weren't so hot. “No matter who's looking down on you, nobody is too big to bite, piss, or sh-t on. I learned that from a goose.”
“I almost died learning that lesson,” I mused. I stayed silent for a moment or two, running the past few hours over in my mind as the pain wracked my body, albeit considerably less than before.
“I'm Gin. What's your name, handsome?”
“My name's Uggs,” he said with a wry smile.
“Umm… is that short for something? It doesn’t really seem to fit you…”
“Oh, it’s short for lots of things: Ugg Lee, Ugly Bastard, U.G.L.Y. (you ain't got no alibi)... Oh, for a while I went by Fuggs, too. You get the point.”
My brain short-circuited and I sat upright, slack-jawed.
“Why in God's name would anyone call you any of that??”
“That’s a long and twisted tale, and I don't particularly want to tell it. But look at you, sitting upright and pain-free. That was fast! Let's go, where are we headed?”
He may have been blatantly avoiding my question, but he was also right. The pain was almost fully gone and I was just about dry. That left one tiny problem though.
“I don't have anywhere to go!” I wailed.
“Hey, don't worry about it, buddy. I know a place.”
“Really?” I half-whimpered.
“Really. I went there to be alone for a few months when things were pretty awful for me. You’ll like it there. Climb aboard.”
As I climbed onto his gorgeous feathered back, he turned to say, “One last thing: you and I are never going to happen. Never, never, never. Ever. Cool?”
“Because you’re so far out of my league?”
“No, Gin. Because you're a cookie.”
“Fair enough,” I said out loud, but in my mind, I thought that wasn’t fair at all.
☹️
“Great! Up, up and away!”
And with that, we took flight, and I got my first taste of the sky.
I really enjoyed writing this. I'd like to thank everyone who read my story or just upvoted it for kicks 🙃. If you enjoyed The Chronicles of Gin, look out, for Book 2, The Legend of Uggs! Definitely eventually 😉
