I wish there was some way
I could package my love for you
Make it ever accessible
For when you need it most
I wish I could let you see
How much your love means to me
When I’m cold and distant
When I’m breaking your heart
I don’t mean to hurt you
But how do I show you
The way I act is not how I feel
Its not that I’m hiding
I’m really trying
But my best still comes back
With a fail
I wish the words my heart says
Were the ones you’d hear
But my mouth is not connecting
I wish I could tell you
Not just yell at you
Seems I’m always giving wrongs
In exchange for your rights
My sick thanks to you
I wish the years could disappear
That we could return to a time
When our love was unquestioned and whole
I wish we could start over
Before we get older
But your tears tell me its far too late
Is this really over?
Please look over your shoulder
Can’t you see that I’m crying too?
Image Description: Against a blue winter sky dotted with puffy clouds stands an evergreen and a deciduous tree covered in bright red berries are dusted with snow.
Life is full of hang-ups. As a person with borderline personality disorder my feelings about relationships tend to swing wildly. My fear of losing someone I am attached to is immense. It has often led to incredibly toxic, codependent relationships, on some occasions things escalated to outright abuse. This poem is deliberately a bit of a mess, as I attempt to capture that love, hate, panic swing in literary form.
