I place holds at the library
I want to read more books
But I can’t go pick them up
Even though it's necessary
My anxiety breaks me
One fragment can’t go alone
I watch the hold date end
Saddled with a restocking fee
Image Description: A tall, grey stone building with arched windows framed in dark green trim. Vines with green leaves growing up and across it.
Inspiration is one of the simplest and most wonderful things. I find its often easier to think small. In this case I focused in on my turmoil with using my local library. My budget and physical space are very small so I am forced to be selective about what items I bring into my home to stay. With how quickly I devour books it necessitates using the library. I have a branch a short walking distance away. The city will transfer books between branches in order for me to pick up at my preferred location. And yet I struggle. I have agoraphobia so going out is often an impenetrable barrier. I place books on hold then freeze with panic about picking them up. Then the hold is returned to its home branch after 7 days of my not picking it up and I’m stuck with a restocking fee. Sometimes I get into such a bad spiral about it that I simply cancel all my holds and give up. I brought all these tangled threads over a simple issue to form this poem.
If you want to end on a happier note – one of the librarians offered to work with me to get on their accessibility program which would provide a variety of adaptations to my borrowing rules that would make my life much easier.
