Those were the thoughts in head as he plotted his suicidal plans. He has been in too much pain all his life and no matter what he does, he never seems to catch a break.
Born into a struggling family in a time when loss was all the family ever knew.
Mama, could have named him Jabez had she an understanding he would eventually offer that prayer of Jabez. Unlike Jabez, he didn't get an answer. He prayed it from the depths of his heart and cried for days while praying and believing it like the scripture states.
The rope is set and tied. The knot well knotted and neck stretched out to make it work. Hands and feet willing but with a heart of uncertainty and conviction.
"This is the best thing to do and nothing less" he tells himself. "No one needs to know, it just has to be quick and painless."
He mounts the barrel, noose over his head and down his neck. Waiting and seeing most one is anywhere near, he fastens the knot and kicks of the barrel and snap...
He died or so he thought because the mission was successful. The shades was all white and clean and the angels moved around the hall or is it a city now?
The smell was white as well and he knew he was home dead.
"what next?" he thought to himself. He tried to move but he couldn't, he knew he was in heaven but he could move and the "angel" smiled at him. He smiled back and before long, the "angelic" faces became familiar and the "white city" was the dibia's shrine where his bones was being tied together.
His thought:
"I am so unlucky that I couldn't die from my own hands. I cannot succeed in life and when I decide to end it all, I still fail. What a failure I am. What can I ever do right?
Torn from the realities of life he was to be for the next 10, 20, 30 or even 50 years if he dared to stay that long.
After fastening the rope and kicking away the barrel, the rope snapped and he landed on his back on top the barrel and his spinal cord snapped.
Life may be hard and difficult in every aspect, but stay alive long enough to experience the rising sun, the moonlit nights, the heatwave, the hustle and bustle, the harshness, the riches, the joy and orgasms that make up humanity.
Keep your head up and stay alive long enough to see how things will change for the best or not.
Life is too precious for you to give it all up because you think you have had enough. Someone loves you and needs you to stay alive.
Image source: istockphoto
