For a long time I have been the kind of person that only shares what I feel with someone I trust and even then I only share a really tiny amount of it. I mean sure it might seem like a lot to the one I am talking with but compared to all the things that sits so deep within then it's basically nothing.
I've always said to people that I am like a onion, you peel one layer and another, and so on. And when I've said that to someone I always said it like a joke and laughed but it's when I got older I realized how true it was and over time this onion kept on building new layers.
Image generated with Lexica Aperture v2
I know many people likely feel this way which is why I felt like writing this post now while it's also for myself to get some of this out.
You're not alone
This is something I see people write in lots of places, for example in Youtube comments under a music video for a as they say... sad song.
And while yes it is true in a sense you are not alone but it sure feels that way doesn't it? You can be surrounded by 50 other people but you are somewhere else within your mind.
Most of my 20's I have closed myself from the external world and created my own world in my mind that I can escape to whenever and that world have become so real to me full with it's own characters, places and stories.
Thing is when we create this world we can escape to whenever you don't really see a point in doing what you need to do in the external world you become "careless" in a way, that's not to say you still do some things tho it's not for yourself but for the people you love whether it's family or a friend that really do care for you.
Think I'll end the post there because my mind is slow, I'll continue on this topic in some day because it helps me to get my mind off other things for a while (just realized it when I was writing this, better late than never right?) and I think it's important to talk about mental health and spread awareness (even though I have been bad at that). And remember... please talk with someone if you're feeling lost, don't let all these emotions/feelings build up within you because eventually it'll explode.