Another problem that causes us to lose our balance is to be attentive to others and not to focus on ourselves.
This is related to what was commented before, although it is not exactly the same. In this case it is a type of sensitivity that is called empathy. which is positive if recognized and channeled properly. It is a valuable feature of the human relationship, essentially for someone whose work requires understanding others. If empathy were a more common quality, social and political structures would be radically improved. But we must not forget that empathy is a two-edged weapon.
Some people are tied from early childhood. To protect themselves from the contrariness of others, they grow up learning to please others first and finally themselves. They do this for several reasons. First, if we have that empathy, it hurts when we are hurt, and we will do whatever it takes to drive away the pain. Secondly, we can think that if we make others happy, they will be good to us and will make us happy, or at least do us less harm.
These kinds of things are like the assumptions of before, in which we relegate in others the control of our emotions. Unfortunately or fortunately, it is not always when others are given what they think they want that they are made happy. What's more, they tend to think that they need something more or something different to be happy, so we keep trying, hoping that by making them happy things will go well for us.
When our feelings are confused with those of those around us, we can make mistakes about what happens to us and what happens to others. We can become susceptible to the anguish and inner confusion of others, so that their emotion descends on us as if it were our own. As we become more sensitive to our inner self, we also become more sensitive to our environment and to the energies of others. Our capacity to feel empathy is increased, to share the feelings of others, and since consciousness as well as sensitivity are useful, they work better the more they are used, like any tool. When we are in the hands of sensitivity rather than the other way around, we are off-center.
..Denial. Another common way to get out of reality by falling into an abyss we create is when we try to convince ourselves that a thing is true when it is false, or vice versa.
We tend to decentralize when life seems difficult and painful, or when a universe of love presents us with an extraordinary opportunity for growth. The first thing many of us do in such circumstances is curl up, like a ball, on the solar plexus and say things like, I know you didn't want to say that, or it must be a mistake, or sure you're wrong, or that can't be true. We run away and try to live in our fantasies and not in the real world.
..Furtive emotions. We can also lose contact with reality when we stop thinking and let emotions invade by their respect.
We can decentralize if we assume that, since we feel an emotion, that emotion is our only possible response. It possesses us, rather than us, and from that momentary emotion we react blindly, rather than from the true center of our being. If we get angry or frightened, we tend to get so involved with anger or fear that we focus on emotions rather than on ourselves. The same goes for what fascinates us or worries us excessively. Whenever we go through an important emotional state, we tend to decentralize.
If we have experienced any of these situations, it is easy for us to have formed the habit of remaining off-centre, forgetting the feeling of being really centred on ourselves. We live in unreality. There will be those who wonder why be realistic if the fantasy is more fun.
Unfortunately, fantasy is only temporarily more fun. We can float happily, but sooner or later we will encounter one of the blunt corners of reality. It may be that, if we are extremely off-center, almost in a state of psychosis, we pretend nothing is happening. However, for almost everyone, the explosion of that feeling is a painful experience whose intensity is directly related to how far away it is from the earth when it bursts.
When we are not seated on the earth we lose power. Others find it relatively easy to pressure and manipulate us. We don't usually like to realize that we do what they want and not what we want. We curse them and accuse them of trying to pressure and control us, it may be true, but the real flaw is in us. We have said Yes when we wanted to say No.
It is frustrating to become off-center and lose contact with the earth, because when we float out is when we need to stay in our place, centered, settled, objectives, real. Only then can we see clearly and make the relevant decisions.
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