On Monday, my son Edward (another ancestor of my hypothetical descendants 100 years from now) experienced the death of one of his contemporaries. I've always felt inadequate talking to people who have experienced a bereavement. I've heard others say phrases like "I am so sorry for your loss" and have been able to look sympathetic and carry it off successfully. Those words sound trite and insincere in my mouth, possibly because it is never true for me. I acknowledge and feel sorry for the person's emotions, but I don't feel sorry for the death.
If a person has decided to be an atheist, I feel bad for their choice in such an unfortunate outcome, but I feel less sympathetic towards their emotions. How much of their emotion is based on them suffering their own ultimate demise. Are they crying for their loved one or crying for themselves?
I have a similar feeling for the people who are overly dramatic and wail during a funeral. Is it an expression toward the loved one moving on to their next adventure, or is it an expression of selfishness? Generally, deaths are associated with pain or lingering or lingering pain. Why would anyone want to prolong pain? My mother has expressed her loss in terms of anger at the recent death of my father. She wanted to die before him so he could experience the loss and not her.
I have two aspects to my philosophy of death. The first is that no one truly dies while people remain who remember them. My sister died in 1978, but she lives on in my memories. Most of my teachers have died, but I carry the memory of them as well. Even an actor like Eugene Pallette, who died before I was born, I carry in my memory from the black and white movies I saw him perform in.
The second aspect of my philosophy is that the loved one has moved into an adjoining room. I am no longer an infant that suffers from separation anxiety when someone disappears from view. When I need to have a conversation with someone I miss, I invoke a memory of that person and hold discussions with that "avatar." It is my belief that we all transition to somewhere else upon dying and that we will meet again if it is pertinent.
I still don't know what to say next. In response to my son feeling bummed, I can only suggest taking his time and grieving but remember that he has people who love him, so he doesn't need to go through this alone.
