ok
so
here goes
not sure how well this will come oput
but i promised id write it
likely will be hard
but bit of luck i can push through.
you see, i had some trauma back when i was 16.
4 guys held me down. done unspeakable things.
and i stayed quiet.
26 years.
still havent gone after them, on account of if i had to face them in court, the trauma would unfold again, and i doubt my fragile mind could take it. id likely jump over the barrier, and choke them ot...
in front of the judge...
with no remorse.
so ... for those past 26 years, ive had issues. at least once a month, i bleed.
drippingly.
friends call me lazy cos i dont go out as much as i used to.
its funny
people bag you out for a disability they cant see.
but i could show them.
but they dont want to see.
and its gotten a lot worse since lockdown.
stress of health issues, has progressed health issues.
its now turned into a full blown prolapse.
if you dont know what that is, i'll save the gory details, and just say, after a toilet break, i look like one of those baboons.
quite uncomfortable.
ive actually progressed to a point where
to paraphrase a well known verse'
if you dont eat, you dont shit
dont shit you die dont bleed.
i know. fucked up way to live.
but it works, kinda.
anyways, so, after 4 failed attempts ( never had the funds to get the 'pre operation requirements (MoviPrep - $33 - not on 'pbs' or the $200 out of pocket for the camera up the butt))
i finally bit the bullet, and asked the health mob at the soup kitchen.
thankfully, was the end of the financial year, and they had leftover money
(was actually trying to get them on here, for fundraising, as they almost had to close last year)
anyways, i digress...
have my surgery coming up this week.
a little bit panicked.
as i just joked with cow ( @gicartalacant/posts) in discord ...
i woke up with intentto write a long post ( maybe 1000 words ) on account of going for surgery in a week, and expecting to die you know, high spirits and all XD
so this is that post.
anxious af atm, not gonna lie
can feel the sweat hitting my side whilst i type.
still cant get how quickly the words are coming.
i mustr admit, i DO miss writing long ass posts, and getting stuff off my chest. i got disheartened when i realised noone was reading my stuff.
anyways, i was aiming for 1000 words, but i think i will cut it short, at 500, and if any ya'll have questions, feel free to ask.
im an open book
and ive strived to gain as much wisdom as i can in the past 40 years
dont let it go to waste
pony out