| 广州十一月底的冬天一如往年，走在校道上，寒风迎面袭来，裹紧衣袖领口，瑟瑟发抖的快走回到寝室，刚刚放下包包，脱完鞋坐在凳子上，父亲发来了视频邀请，小手轻轻一点接受了；屏幕里依旧是剪着短短的寸头悄然白发过半的扬起嘴角的父亲，像中国传统的父母一样，他眯着眼笑着问我“吃饭了吗，还在忙吗？”我自然的回答说刚刚参加完活动走回到宿舍了，父亲还是像往常一样调侃说“你的生活真丰富，很潇洒嘛！”因为之前待业一个月，外加过完双十一十分窘迫的我说“没有，很累，很穷！”父亲笑了笑说“怎么会呢，你可是家里最富有的啦！”我很是无奈的说“虽然我也想这是真的，但事实就是过得拮据。”然后和他说了最近的开销，吐槽这段时间的生活，埋怨母亲和妹妹给予我的压力。说道后面谈到了我妹妹，说到我们两姐妹在校的状态，然后说到了为什么妹妹没有拿到那些奖学金，所以总是让我给与生活上的帮助，虽然我作为姐姐好像应该这么做，我也不明白为什么会有这种想法，总之是几乎很少拒绝妹妹的请求；而突然间父亲说“可能是因为你妹妹比你要长远点。”我不可思议的脱口而出“什么！，爸爸你的意思是什么！”“你妹妹比你想问题要长远些，个性也比较鲜明。”父亲再一次重复解释，顿时间，我无言以对，内心活动是“所以在父亲眼中我是一样目光短浅，只注重眼前小利的人，呵呵。” 说不难过，不伤心是假的，所以冲动的我说“如果她不是我亲妹妹，我一定是讨厌她的，尤其是她的性格。”后来没有说几句，父亲就说要睡了，不聊了，可能他觉得我像一个长舌妇吧，也就聊不下去便挂断视频了。挂断视频后的我越想越难过，原来我在父亲眼中与妹妹的差距是这样的，因为那句话让想到了很多事情，例如，妹妹考上和我一样性质的大学，她有父母物质上的奖励，而我没有；妹妹上大学参加比赛获得名次，分享到家群里，有父母的精神和物质上的奖励，而我没有；妹妹用兼职赚取的钱可以不做生活费，而我不可以；诸如此类，我经常从父母口中听到他们对妹妹的喜欢与自豪，而关于我只言片语都没有，可能觉得这有些夸张，但是在我们家就是这样，我稍微的错误会被父母放大化，而妹妹弟弟却是一句“他们还小。”一句话带过，我真的很想知道我在这个家里是什么样的存在，是母亲的出气筒，是父亲的教育路上的垫脚石，是妹妹的生活费帮手，还是弟弟的失败的借口。我想知道我有过让你们自豪的瞬间吗，我不求可以让你们广为说出口的自豪，只是那么一瞬间都好，能不能亲口告诉我一次，让我知道我在父母眼中不是废物，不是弟弟妹妹的陪衬品。 生活很美好，但我已千疮百孔 | In the winter of November at the end of November in Guangzhou, as in previous years, I walked on the school road. The cold wind ran on the front, wrapped my sleeves on the neckline, and shivered and walked back to the bedroom. I just put down my bag and took off my shoes and sat on the stool. My father made a haircut. A video invitation came, and the little hand accepted it slightly;The screen is still a father who cuts his short lips and whispers his lips. He is like a traditional Chinese parent. He smiles and asks me, "Did you eat, still busy?" My natural answer I said that I just walked back to the dormitory after attending the event. My father still ridiculed as usual. "Your life is really rich, very chic!" Because I had been unemployed for a month, plus after the double eleven embarrassment, I said "no. "It's very tired, very poor!" Father smiled and said, "How come, you are the richest at home!" I said helplessly. "Although I also think this is true, the truth is that it is too tight. ”Then he told him about the recent expenses, spit the life of this time, blaming the pressure that my mother and sister gave me. Speaking of my sister, I talked about the state of our two sisters at school, and then said why my sister did not get the scholarships, so I always give me help in life, although I seem to be doing this as a sister, I do not understand why there is this idea, in short, it is rarely reject the request of her sister; and suddenly my father said, "probably because your sister than you want to long-term point."I blurted out "What!" Dad, what do you mean! "Your sister is longer than you think about the problem, and his personality is more distinct." "My father repeated the explanation again. For a long time, I was speechless and my inner activity was "so in my father's eyes, I am just as short-sighted, only paying attention to the small profits, huh, huh. ” I am not sad, not sad, so I am impulsive, saying, "If she is not my sister, I must hate her, especially her character." Later, without saying a few words, my father said that he would sleep. I don't talk, maybe he thinks that I am like a long tongue, and I can hang up the video if I can't talk.After I hang up the video, the more I think about it, the more I feel. The difference between my father and my sister is that this sentence makes me think of a lot of things. For example, my sister is admitted to a university of the same nature as me. She has parental material. The rewards, but I did not; the sister went to college to participate in the competition to get the rankings, share the family, have the spiritual and material rewards of the parents, and I did not; the sister earned the money with part-time jobs can not do the living expenses, and I do not can;In this way, I often hear their love and pride for my sister from my parents. I don’t have any words about it. I may feel that this is a bit exaggerated, but it is like this in our family. My slight mistake will be magnified by my parents, and my younger brother. But it is a phrase "They are still small." I have a word, I really want to know what kind of existence I have in this family, is the mother's punching bag, is a stepping stone on the father's education road, is the sister's living expenses helper, or The excuse of the younger brother’s failure.I want to know if I have had the moment to make you proud. I don't ask for the pride that you can say widely. It's just a moment. Can you tell me once and let me know that I am not a waste in my parents' eyes? Not a companion to my younger siblings. Life is beautiful, but I have been riddled with holes. |
