I'm sorry brother. I've seen that struggle but from a brothers perspective. It's rough. There no advise that really helps in that situation. Or world is confused, and many times outside forces just confused people. Though I will say the same advise as I just recently found myself giving. In this moment your mind can be dangerous. A quiet comfortable place can be a blessing. Somewhere to collect your thoughts, and connect with what's important to you. Your mind becomes flooded with why, how's, I should haves, and that stuff is toxic. Not sure how much time has passed from the initial shock, but just be careful. When you mind is storming decisions made can be powerful, and words said can't be taken back. Self reflection and prayer, can help step away from the confusion. Once your mind settles, it'll be easier to see things clearer. Good luck .. You got this.