Some people want very much to be “normal”. They have looked at life and decided that the safest way to be in the world is to blend in. They read the books and see the movies that are popular, wear the clothing, live in the places, drive the cars that fit in with the people around them. To be different is dangerous, subject to criticism and attack. They are very much like the animals in nature whose markings allow them to blend in with their surroundings, becoming invisible to danger.
This is a survival skill, and it works very well. It works best when they are blending in with their chosen group. The qualities that allow them to fit in, to be considered “normal” become the exact things that make them different and make them stand out, within a different group!
In a person's home country they way they speak sounds “normal”. In another country it would be noticed as an “accent”. In the United States a Southern accent is noticed in the North, an East Coast accent in noticed in the West. But in their own home territories, it’s the way everyone speaks, so no one notices!
Clothing is part of it too. On a military base, civilian clothing is noticed, in the civilian world, a military uniform stands out. Wearing any clothing at all at a nudist camp is very obvious, just as nudity elsewhere would cause comment. All clothing is costume. If the idea is to fit in, appropriate costume should be worn!
Some people have looked at the world and decided that being “normal” isn’t for them. Perhaps they have tried to fit and weren’t successful or happy. Perhaps they have given up trying, or simply prefer not to blend in. For whatever reason they don’t want to identify with the”normal” culture. They find or create a sub-group of “anti-normal” people where they feel they can fit in. (Oddly enough, often these anti-normal sub-cultures have their own rules of behavior and dress codes that might be as strict as anything the “normal” world might require.)
Whatever the surrounding majority culture has determined to be “normal”, “anti-normal” people choose to stand out. The message is one of defiance, “I am different than you.” This can make the “normal” people within the culture very uncomfortable. This can create its own problems of course.
There is another group of people who observe both groups with bemusement. These people have reached an inner maturity that has nothing to do with age. They aren’t especially concerned with how other people view them because they have a clear view and understanding of themselves. Perhaps we could call this self-acceptance. They follow their inner knowing, their inner guidance with only brief glances at the cultures and sub-cultures around them. They know how to “fit in” when necessary, but conformity or non-conformity does not determine their behavior. They know who they are and don’t need to have this verified by the outside world.
We all have these three options. Choosing “normal” or “anti-normal” - if those seem to be our only choices - limits our flexibility in responding to our surroundings. The third choice is the most flexible because it opens up so much more freedom in how we can live in the world. When we learn to understand ourselves and accept who we are, we find that the world becomes less frightening because we have more options, more tools available to us, to choose our behavior and our responses.
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