I just joined steemit and the first thing i want to share with all of you is my dear friend the ass cyst/human tail!
Could you imagine having a tail? Well guess what, I have a tail and I am getting it removed. I am a 26 year old male and in good health. I slipped and fell cleaning up my garbage in a ditch next to my house after a storm one day. I thought I broke my tailbone but little did I know... A small percentage of males and females are born with excess hair balled up at your tail bone. This region is called your pilonidal sinus. When I took my fall i must have irritated it and it grew to a cyst the size of a softball in lese than 24 hours. I IMMEDIATELY went to the ER.
This is where it gets gross. I cannot sit and i barely can stand. The only thing I can do is lay on my belly to prop up my poor baloon knot. My poor turd cutter was pulsing. You could see my heart beatting through this red apocalypse mess on my butt. I am hurried back to a back room and the attending ER doc is on her way in. My god is she sexy. She then asks "Mr. Djangoo is it ok if an attending med student helps out so she can learn"? "Why not" I said..
This poor girl does not know what is in store. And frankly neither did I. They have me undress and lay back down on the bed with my baloon knot facing up. They wheel in a cart with a huge syringe and a roll of medical paper towels and some scalpels. My poop shoot begins to quiver. "Mr. Djangoo, this will just be a small pinch" said the attending ER doc. The intern was positioned to the left a few feet away from my pulsating rectum. She begins to slide the needle in to release the numbing med and I scream to the butt gods NOOOOO!!! I clinch the sides of the bed while my bunn hole gets violated. She pulls the syringe out and then waits a few minutes. She proceeds to grab the scalpel and makes a small incision when BOOOM! She slices right through my baloon knot and a hellish wave of death comes spewing out. Brown/Yellow/Green/Red, all of these colors begin to spew. The ER doc had a face mask on and the intern did not. The doc begins to then manually forcfeed the goo out with her fingers pushing on my turd cutter. "One more large push" she says...
At that moment the most emberrising few seconds of my life were ahead of me. I blazing tyrant of infected butt sludge comes flying out under pressure and is on target toward the intern. My head is on the pillow face down facing to the left and i witness this goop hit sweet sweet Ms. intern directly in the face. She begins to gag and leave the room. You could hear people yelling and screaming asking what happened and it was just to much for this intern to handle. My infected puss was leaking down onto her mouth and nose and she proceeded to vomit all over the hallway.
Meanwhile, I am silent as a ghost and so embarrassed. The ER doc reassured me everything will be ok and that she is almost done. She then begins to pack my new second bunn hole with gauze string and sends me on my way with some documents and a referral to the surgeon.
See, the lancing is not the cure. I must now go to a surgeon and he will reconstruct my poor poor rear end via plastic surgery. They must remove a hair ball that is supposedly so deep in my tail bone rectum area that the infection was the worst ever scene for a very long time per the proffesionals. The hair ball is the center cause of all of this controversy and is one son of a bitch.
I look forward to the upcoming near weeks when my surgery begins. I will post my own pictures of my mud slinger here shortly but I added a few examples of pilonidal cysts for your viewing pleasure .
Thank you Steemit, I am sorry to put you through this but my poor infected wagon wheel told me to tell you all his/her/it's story.
