What I Am Afraid Of

Hello Hivers!

In my previous post, I Was Afraid of Deep Water..Until I Tried Diving, I talked about my fear of deep waters. My brother in- law who was learning to dive with me asked the reason what got me into diving.

I replied, "It was because I was terrified of it. I am crazy like that, like the time I ate a spider and jumped from the plane, these were also my big fears, but while diving, I discovered the joy of being underwater. It's very similar to meditation."

I am choosing spider. It's something I haven't explored yet on paper and a fear that resides in me still, that is difficult to get rid of.

Warning: Disgusting and creepy images ahead, scroll down at your own risk. :)

My 12 Year-old self watched the movie Arachnophobia in a cinema circa 1990. It's a horror comedy film about a deadly spider in a jungle that hitches in a coffin and eventually lands in the U.S. This killer insect mates with a domestic spider and creates an army of his specie and they all invade the town. There was nothing funny about it. All I remember was being petrified of spiders since I left the theater.

One thing is certain, we attract what we fear.

Hence, the reason why I devoted my life facing what I feared the most. I was afraid of networking and cocktail parties, so I ended up in a job in sales where my evenings were spent approaching strangers in business suits to hand my business card and strike a conversation. Never mind that I spent 15 minutes prior hyperventilating in a paper bag inside the hotel parking lot. I am an introvert and naturally timid so it wasn't easy, but because it was part of my job, I threw myself over the fence.

"Itsy bitsy spider went up the waterspout"

I attracted a Redback spider once, that emerged from our car in our garage in the Middle East. I had no idea back then that it was highly venomous, but I am always armed with an insect spray.

How do I face this fear of spiders?

The opportunity came when Yohann and I traveled to Phnom Penh in Cambodia five years ago.

We had lunch at Romdeng, a highly recommended place to try authentic Cambodian Cuisine with Khmer hospitality. Set in a colonial building serving almost forgotten recipes from the provinces and contemporary Cambodian dishes which is run by former street youth in training.

The crazy thing we did was to share a hair raising appetizer of deep fried tarantulas. My husband and I dared each other. He knew I'm crazy scared of spiders and could never get close to them. So we pretended we were in Survivor. We each had two servings. This was literally swallowing my fear. It was definitely an unforgettable starter.

What does it taste like?

It tasted like oil for sure, somewhere between chicken and frog legs with its texture similar to that of a dried squid, but slightly hairy.

After our meal, the waiter brought us a live tarantula. Thank goodness, it was after the meal and not before. I still couldn't bring myself to hold it. It still sends shivers down my spine.

I thought I had overcome my fear of spiders, but boy was I wrong. I have many spider stories but I'll stick to the current ones.

When we moved to Moalboal, one of my daily morning habits was container gardening. A gigantic spider lived inside my large watering can. Two mornings in a row as I was about to water my plants, it jumped out and crawled up on my arm. My loud screams definitely woke up the neighbors while I continuously jumped around. I finally got rid of it.

Unfortunately, an even larger spider, bigger than the size of my hand is the new resident of the same watering can. Yesterday, the culprit gave me a huge morning welcome when it crawled up on my arm. My shriek echoed along our street and it ran away to hide under a pile of dried leaves. I'm pretty sure it's back in the watering can again. I am definitely scared to water the plants today.

They say the opposite of fear is love. I am brainstorming ways on how to face this fear. In a recent personality development zoom seminar I attended, it was suggested to direct our attention to positive attributes and using creative visualization to manage the fear.

This brings me to the question, how do I start loving spiders? Any thoughts?

Check out previous posts if you haven't read them yet and join us in the challenge:
Day 1/ Day 2 / Day 3 / Day 4