Feminism Sunday: Splaining

Few terms in feminism and social justice discourse are mischaracterized by my fellow mens as often as "mansplaining." Let's get into it. This is feminism Sunday.

Let's get this out of the way first: I, a cishet mostly straight man, am about to explain to y'all what "mansplaining" is (and isn't). The irony does not escape me. Nevertheless, I'm gonna do it. By the end, I hope you'll see why I don't think it falls under the category, and also how it could.

Also, this post will touch on similar points to my previous posts Stay In Your Lane and Let's talk intersectionality. This is because these topics are all connected and intertwined. Much of the discussion around social justice issues is trying to explain the same basic concepts and their real life applications in different ways.

What It Isn't

Let's start by what mansplaining isn't. Much like 'white feminism" isn't all feminism by white people, mansplaining isn't every explanation given by a man. It's isn't even every explanation given by a man to a woman.

Not a mansplainer. An explainer
No one uses it seriously to mean that. If a woman comes up to a man and says "explain x to me," and the man simply does so, no mansplaining took place. Okay? Good.

What it is

An essential part of mansplaining is the assumption made by the man in question that he knows more about the topic at hand than the woman he is explaining to. Often because the topic at hand is one he considers to be a male domain.

Another essential part is that explanation be unasked for.

I'm gonna give a hypothetical example:

A man works at a store that sells comicbook shirts. A woman comes in and says "which versions of Wolverine do you have shirts with?" You work in a comicbook shirt store. You probably know there are multiple versions of Wolverine, such as Old Man Logan, X-23, and so on. If you start by replying "we only have the character, not the animal," it is very likely you've just made an assumption that because the costumer is a woman, she somehow is confused about this.

You didn't actually answer the very specific question you were given, and you were super condescending.

Think that's an extreme example? Take a look at some real life examples. Go. Click. I'll wait.

The Variations

Over time, many variations of mansplaining have been created, and all reflect the same basic experience, that of someone, most often a man, who is not a member of a marginalized group, explaining the lived experiences of that marginalized group to someone who is a member of that group.

Image source: Know Your Meme
If you're a white person explaining racism unasked to a person of color, you're whitesplaining. If you're a cis person explaining trans issues to a trans person, you're cissplaining. And so on.

No One Wants To Hear It

Women are conditioned by society to be polite. So mansplaining is often not called in the moment. People of color, disabled people, trans people, gay people... all have excellent reasons not to call out splainers in the moment.

So, often, the splainers can give their inane, unasked for explanation and then go on their merry way, thinking "I helped this person!" Ya didn't. No one wants to hear it.

I've Done It

Being a man in a patriarchal society, one is taught that certain things are fine. One can be socially rewarded for them with thanks and (often false) appreciation. So we learn to do it. And even after learning how problematic it is, we can do it without realizing. There's only one solution:

If you look at what you just wrote to someone or hear what you just said and think you may have just mansplained? Just take it back and apologize. "Oh, I think that was a bit mansplainy of me, I'm sorry." That's usually all you need. Admitting it and apologizing will not mark you as the beast, will not cause you do be convicted of a social crime. It will often make the other person, who was quietly cringing, breathe a sigh of relief. And the same holds true when you're told you've just engaged in splaining. Don't just argue. Don't act defensively. Examine what you said. Stop and think. If you find you may have splained, own up to it and apologize.

If you don't think you did? STILL APOLOGIZE.

Why? Because intent isn't magic. And because apologizing costs you nothing and can be a salve to the other person.

Splaining Is Targeted

Finally, to why I don't think this post if mansplain-y, but why I accept it if some disagree. Every type of splaining is targeted. You're not mansplaining if your condescending explanation isn't targeted at a woman or a gender non conforming individual. So if you're a woman reading this, I hope you found it amusing, but I don't anticipate you'll find it particularly enlightening or new. If you're a man, well, yes, I'm definitely targeting you with this explanation. But men can't mansplain to other men. That, as I think I've explained, is not how it works.