Takes another drink or two, things look better when she's through...
We all are right? Victims of changes.
I'll just drink and drown my sorrow... My anger. Anyway, this has been my breakfast song for some reason... for some reason I am sad. I am mad. Mad, mad world out there. And my head is not right right now.
I am a mixture of intense emotions these days. It must be after another fight with a friend over some petty stuff. Ego issues. Someone wants to be right instead of kind. Kind of tired of this to be honest. It's toxic. But now look where it's left me ... I am looking at a vast emptiness ahead.
Victim of changes...
I guess when you chat or talk to a person 24/7 to cope with the aloneness in another place, boundaries get crossed at some point. I think we are the same mentally. We don't want to admit how flawed we are inside, tirelessly looking for validation from another person. I am staring at this monster ... it turned out it was me all along.
Anyway, this week oh my Gawd, so so tiring. Not only at work, but here at home too. Like today's meal prep Sunday, hard work again sure, but at least I am good for the week. Good distraction. Moving around to kill overthinking. I don't want to think about unimportant stuff for the next few days. Can I plan it too? Can I plan my feelings? Can I plan what's going in and out of my mind. Well, all I know is that I won't be hungry for the next few days, and with a well-stocked cat pantry too (for Diablo right here). It might be doomsday soon for all we know.
I just want to slack and chill with my cat. Is it even possible to stop moving for a sec? We are all moving fast to somewhere. Nowhere. Time's running out or are we all slowly dying? And here I am wishin' I could live that van life too.
My friend was out and another one came into the picture. For years, he's been trying to connect with me. And I was you know, ignoring him just like everyone else. Gawd, the walls are too damn high...
Forgive me if I am all over the place at the moment. My mind is just going in different directions. I just want to sleep and forget this reality we are living in. Sigh, existential crisis.
Darkness calling.
Have you been busy too? Give me a dose of sunshine will you?
Me and Diablo planning to wreak havoc...