Do you guys ever wonder why I'm not so diabolical these days? 😊 And why I'm no longer trauma dumping y'all? Well in case you haven't noticed, it's been a month since I've posted something really intense. Thank God for this BPD subReddit (when will we ever be as diverse and rich with trolls as Reddit - anyone here using this platform too?), I've discovered this thing called Diabolical Dialectical Behavior Therapy. It's basically a psychological course / guided therapy for emotional regulation or for those suffering from mental afflictions such as BPD, PTSD, Anxiety & Depression, etc. I'm taking personal responsibility like a proper adult that I am now 😂.
To be honest, at first I was dubious, but then I noticed that I'm not getting any better mentally so I'm desperate to try anything and everything under the sun even the Voodoodoodoo Ayahuasca Magic Plant Cactus out there. But then thank God I don't need to travel to the Amazon anymore. Hello WWW?
Gosh, so I checked, you mean what???? It will cost me 1K USD to be mentally well these days?! I mean I might be crazy but I am not so dumb still. So I decided to take matters into my own hands - the DBT course is free online anyway. I checked the course outline and these are basically just journal prompts, meditations, and exercises to help regulate one's emotions. So I incorporated the journal prompts into my own journal and daily reflections and I've been religiously doing this for a month now.
There had been a series of events in my life that caused me severe emotional distress this past month and to prevent myself from totally resorting to self-destruction - I just went online and desperately started the first section of DBT called Mindfulness. To be honest, the 15 minute "Mental Body Scan" is by far the hardest exercise for me. When I find myself drowning in my own overwhelming emotions, my brain is just overloaded with negative thoughts and it is just so difficult to put all my attention to my body. The struggle is real. But I don't want to be so hard on myself so I still practice these meditation exercises regularly even if I get distracted from time to time. According to DBT, just let those thoughts come and go. Refocus.
from - https://dialecticalbehaviortherapy.com/
I'm sharing some of my DBT journal excerpts (I no longer worry if someone accidentally reads my journal irl and ol - oh yes, I'm diabolical - surprise! Jeez. Take it or leave it lol)
There are also exercises that I can practice as needed or when I'm overwhelmed with negative thoughts. Some exercises let you "rewire" your brain and not resort to Black and White Thinking - which is the core symptom of Borderline Personality Disorder.
Part of the Distress Tolerance section is my favourite DBT exercise for problem solving called - "Willingness vs Wilfulness". It is basically just writing down the facts of a specific problem or situation, my emotions and resistance, and what I am willing to do in order to resolve it and move forward. For ex., something didn't go my way or someone didn't responded as I expected, I will go back to what I wrote in the Willingness vs Wilfulness page just to review what I was willing to do. Then I practice "Radical Acceptance" also part of the Tolerance course section.
This is my go-to coping statement as part of Radical Acceptance DBT exercise.
This too shall pass
After following these journal prompts and DBT exercises for a month, I am noticing that I no longer degenerate into hell. I feel like I'm a 40+ year old kid learning basic emotional regulation stuff that were never ever taught to me lol. Sure I still cry and feel sad - I'm still human! But then DBT taught me some techniques to better manage my emotions, distract myself for a moment, and go back to the problem or situation with a clearer mind. This also prevents me from lashing out, hurting people and losing them in the process (my usual reflex when in emotional distress).
Below is one of the most important DBT exercises when I feel like something or someone has triggered my "fight or flight":
I'm currently in the last part of Tolerance section and this by far is one of the most relaxing exercise ever! And I'm pretty sure some of you guys know and are doing some of these things already. Well as for me, and like I said, I'm a child again learning some of these things that might have already been taught to you guys early on. I think this is what you guys call "healthy coping mechanisms". But I do prefer the DBT term - Self-Soothing. Even the name of this thing is making me feel calm already 😊.
By the way I'm on a "Calm Streak" for days now 😊 - I'm on my way to becoming a stable and well-adjusted adult hell yeah! Wish me luck but I'm pretty sure deep down, you will still miss my diabolika mode.
What about you guys?
I don't care what you guys say, Diablo is still part of my self-soothing... however diabolical and unhinged he seems to be sometimes. And pls. pls. be kind to animals. Don't harm them even if they are too cute you wanna choke them. 😂
