All my life, I've been under the impression that opposites attract or at least that's what I've been told. It has never been true to me though. I've seen it worked for others. I've seen couples who are totally from different sides of the world and yet they manage to get past their cultural differences. That must have been hard work (especially if you're not a trad-yes-woman because that's what these guys are looking for in places that are still primitive in many ways). And I know that very well because I already had a rel with someone from a totally different world. There were more arguments and justifications of why we do what we do where we're from and who has it better. It was so exhausting and egotistical that it had to end. That was when I thought, if we're going to constantly disrespect each others' ways, this is not going to work. One surefire way for people to dislike you is to constantly criticize them to make yourself look holier and better. Maybe I should have been clear that I can be diabolic when needed lol and it doesn't help that I don't appear that way in real life.
And then for some, or maybe even for most, opposites don't actually work. I have this friend who married someone from this island and then years later (after she cheated on him) complained that this woman doesn't have a wide range of vocabulary. They didn't get to talk about deep stuff and all. They don't listen to the same type of music. She thinks that my friend's music taste is just all noise. My friend thinks that his partner has become superficial and materialistic (after he brought her to Europe lol). He says she says you know the deal, but there are always two sides to every story. I'm always wary of a man who says that his partner is crazy because I think behind a madwoman is a man who brought out that worst part of her. Don't get me wrong, I dislike people equally. Women can really be mean and crazy, even to other women sadly. Anyway, so my friend concluded that it is important that you share something in common with your partner for life, otherwise, life can become hell.
As for me, I tried to make friends with people who I have nothing in common with, but I failed miserably. It just doesn't work for me I guess. I joined this dance class lately because I need some physical activity for my mental well-being and also a bit of human connection while I 'm still here in this hellhole of a place. Well I must say it worked, I did feel better. I don't mind small talk and feminine chitchat every now and then even though we would all not end up as BFFs. I stayed curious about their lives and showered them with compliments. I stayed out of the drama. It all feels nice yes but deep down, I also miss those deep and meaningful conversations. I miss my best friend (he passed last year) who I share politically incorrect opinions and murder dreams with without being judged as immoral and diabolical lol. And yeah we all need that kind of friend sometimes. The kind of friend you can trust to help you bury a body lol. We all need a friend who we can be our best and worst ourselves with.
I tried to be open-minded but it turns out that we, humans, have preferences whether we admit it or not. I live in a touristic town and I see many travelers who are always grouped together rarely making friends or hanging out with locals. The common ground is very obvious. We do like those who look like us too. They are safer. Anyone who looks different is dangerous to our tribe. It all makes sense to me now.
My best friend used to tell me that I have bad taste in men lol you know the cliché, I'm that passionate complicated girl who likes to fix the bad guy. I've had good guys in my life who treated me so well so yeah, maybe it is me and my pattern of choices. You're gonna like this because I am gaslighting myself right now. Believe it or not I even blame my music taste. When I was younger, I used to go to a lot of rock and heavy metal concerts and bar gigs and I tend to like men in that scene. Then lately I see the pattern in them or the pattern that I created myself, this uber "machismo" living up to the metal image, "hey I'm an A$$ and I want to control you and treat you like shit because that is cool and patriarchal". And here I am thinking, omg, maybe this is me too. I'm still living that rock-and-roll dark shit persona and I cannot be controlled so I control them. We tend to gravitate towards people who are just like us. And now you get it, there's a clash in there. No wonder it always ends up a disaster. It turns out, I am probably just dating myself.
Maybe my pattern of choices will change if I change. But I honestly don't see myself changing anytime soon. I want to be a better person everyday of course but that dark side of me will always remain. Don't we all have anyway? I know I am pondering, a.k.a. overthinking, a lot of stuff lately because I am moving back to the city soon and starting my life over. This is going to give me a chance to meet new people I have something in common with. Anyway, I have high hopes. I'll just do the things I've been meaning to do when I'm back in the civilization, and that is to have fun, enjoy life, and who knows? Maybe the right people will come.