Well, well, well, if it's not the consequences of my own choices. Lately, I've been craving for meaningful social interactions. I guess you can say that I've been "intellectually lonely" for the longest time. It's what a person feels when there's no intellectual stimulation or no chance for deep conversations with someone with shared values and interests. It has been crippling to the point that I need to finally make a change in my life. I have reached the end of my rope.
I can attribute this is to my current location, but don't get me wrong, I used to like "simple life", trad life" or whatever you want to call it. And it's not even that I don't appreciate nature or peace anymore, it's just hard to find balance. I terribly miss releasing my deep thoughts to someone. I guess this started when my best friend passed a year ago. He used to be my go-to person when I had strong opinions on stuff because I knew I wouldn't be judged. And I respect his take on many things too. Back then, island life was more bearable. Now that he's gone, I feel like it is important for me to find someone like him again. I mean not just a good times, occasional friend I say hi to once in a while, but an actual regular good friend who I can be comfortable sharing my messed up thoughts with. And good thoughts too. We all need that kind of friend.
Well, thanks to the internet, there's a way to overcome intellectual loneliness. Hive for one has been very helpful in my life, because at least here, I can share my craziest thoughts without being judged (there are not many trolls here anymore or they are just being polite nowadays). And I know that there would be very few people who can comment and share their thoughts about my writing too. I count that as deep conversation. And I'm grateful for whatever I can get to ease the pain of intellectual loneliness. Blogging is my way to cope and my antidote to intellectual loneliness. It is the cheapest therapy. And being able to freely post my ideas turns me into a magnet for people with similar mindset.
I wrote on my previous post that it is important that we find those we share common interests with. This is a way for us to find "our tribe" and not feel totally alone especially in this day and age of technology. People are not as simple as you think they are. There's so much more beyond that happy facade we see on social media. There are things that imprison us. Things that make us human.
I also think that posting "hot takes" on social media is not enough to cure intellectual loneliness. In hopes of attracting the right kind of people, you'll just end up amassing triggered trolls and keyboard warriors. You don't look for abnormal in normal places. There's a reason there's special communities like HIVE where you are pretty much welcome to share your thoughts and not be censored. But then of course, it doesn't mean we just blurt out whatever and deliberately hurt people, we also have to take responsibility for our own words and actions. Controlled behavior is what makes us different from animals, hence "civilization".
Intellectual Loneliness is a widespread phenomena that nobody talks about these days. We are expected to put on a good show and appear positive all the time. I don't know who said it but "Loneliness is “the leprosy of the 21st century.” As we've become modern human beings, we find ourselves more aware, more civilized, more isolated, and lonelier than ever. It's the price of wisdom and modernity.
I moved to an island in hopes of finding out what makes some people happy. But it turns out, I'm not a trad at all. And no, I can't live on a farm. Okay, maybe I was just trying to become who I am not. Maybe I was just testing things. There's absolutely nothing simple about me. So I'm not meant to pursue the bliss of ignorance. Or I'm not meant to be happy all the time because who is these days? I'm meant to create meaning in my own life and the goal doesn't have to be happiness. Maybe it is to find those who I can have deep conversations with, be myself with. To be with those who are intellectually lonely too and share the pain of it all. And there maybe, just maybe, I will find myself again.