At first I don't recognize this feeling of anxious of being in crowd places, not feeling comfortable seeing crowds, afraid of anything would happen when I sounding my words, worried about something is not secure, trying to evade places with crammed spaces, cold sweat pouring down and heart beating fast when talking to lot of people, it just I don't even know when it all started. I smoke often, drink only on occasion, try shroom a few times, not into drugs, conscious not hallucinating, still feeling unsecure when I meet a stranger.
I grew up as a model student, even got scholarship for my senior high then I took on IT as a major in a university. Nothing feels wrong until this point. In my senior high I think i could overcome any bullying that happen, since I'm not so nerdy in senior high. And in college, I don't think anyone wanted to mess with me since I got a good standpoint as one that should not be messed around with since I literally could take on anyone. And I'm not socially impaired, I was a very social person, really social. I would go to any party, hang out with friends, jammin', etc.
I don't know when it started, but I stopped using public transportation. Being too much prefer to stay in house. Not feeling too comfortable when having visual contact. Unable to speak publicly even in front of family. Oftenly argues with family to travel to crowdy places.
I fell such a failure in life, becoming so much timid.
One day, from a magical google search I landed in :
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Agoraphobia
That wiki link, really explains it all what my anxiety disorder name. Not an uncomfortable truth, yet the points really hit on everything that I feel.
Everyday I put up a good front, fake mask to hide my timidness. Faking my smile, faking my laugh, faking my interest.
Even now I'm still putting a good fight against this agoraphobia, since I don't planning to let my son learnt that his father is a timid person.
If you, the one reading this and having the same anxiety disorder, FIGHT IT! you are not alone...
