Life is full of experiences, both good and bad, and often the painful ones leave the deepest scars. Sometimes, when a person is hurt whether emotionally, mentally, or physically the pain does not end with them. Instead, it becomes a cycle: they carry the wound forward and, intentionally or unintentionally, hurt others as a result of what they once endured. This raises a difficult but important question: when someone hurts others because they were once hurt themselves, can they really be held accountable for their actions?
On one hand, accountability is necessary in every human relationship. If someone’s pain causes them to lash out at others, the victims of their behavior will still feel the impact, regardless of the reasons behind it. Let's take for example, a child who grows up in a violent household may, without healing, replicate the same aggression in adulthood. Their actions might be rooted in unresolved trauma, but the harm they inflict on others remains real and damaging. In this sense, they must take responsibility for what they do, because carrying forward pain does not justify spreading it.
On the other hand, people who hurt others because they were once hurt themselves often act from a place of brokenness rather than malice. Their actions are echoes of wounds that were never healed, and this perspective encourages compassion. Understanding that a person’s destructive behavior may stem from deep personal suffering does not excuse the behavior, but it does explain it. This is where society faces a delicate balance.
Passing trauma onto others can sometimes happen unconsciously. Many people do not even realize they are transferring their pain they believe they are simply reacting to life as it comes. Others may know, but feel powerless to break the cycle. This makes the “circle of pain” one of the hardest chains to break, because it requires self awareness, healing, and deliberate effort. Therapy, emotional support, forgiveness, and personal growth can all play a role in helping individuals recognize and stop patterns of harm before they affect more people.
(Image from me)
As for forgiveness, it is one of the most difficult aspects of this topic. Can someone who has passed their trauma onto others be forgiven? The answer may lie in two directions. First, forgiveness is possible if the person acknowledges their actions, seeks to change, and takes responsibility for ending the cycle. Second, those who were hurt must decide if they are ready and willing to forgive, not because the harm was small, but because forgiveness is often the only path to freedom from bitterness. Forgiveness, however, does not mean forgetting it means choosing not to let pain dictate the future and not allowing the pain dictate your next phase.
Ultimately, the circle of pain challenges us all to reflect: do we carry our wounds in ways that harm others, or do we break the cycle by seeking healing? Every person has the power to stop pain from spreading, but it begins with the courage to face one’s own or personal hurt.
