I have faith not because I believe, but because you believe. I tell myself, "If he believes, then let me pray believing his faith will carry it."
Yesterday morning I ordered God to heal you. I said, "Dear God, of all people, this should not be happening to him. I know everyone talks about how 'bad things always happen to good people', but this is one of those few times I can vouch knowing someone good, and kind." I added, "I hear tears don't move you so I am not going to cry. All I ask is that you heal him. I order you to heal him. I COMMAND you to heal him."
Last night, shivering in bed, you said, "Write about me. Write about how shortly after my birthday I fell terminally ill." You said it like you were uncertain of tomorrow. You later apologized for giving me such a burden to bare.
You have very little interest these days in the things that once excited you. Daddy, Mummy, and the girls pray every night for you. They stay up late with Nathaniel Bassey believing God on your behalf.
"Why always me?" you said to me a couple of days ago. "I am always late for everything. All my life it has been a struggle becoming anything - a graduate, getting a job..."
All I could say was, "You will be fine." It has become my mantra these days. You will be fine.
Mum says, "Why him? He is such a loving boy," and I couldn't agree more.
A month ago I watched a video of a baby who was in a coma. Her mother took her to the church, and the congregation stretched their hands to pray for her. They wept, they wailed, they fell on their knees and wouldn't stop begging God to heal her. After many hours she opened her eyes, and I couldn't believe how soaked in tears my face had become by the time the video was over. I am believing the same for you. Be you Christian, Muslim, Buddhist, whichever religion you practice, I believe if you say a word of prayer for my friend, no matter how little, even if "He is healed," he will be healed. I believe that there is energy there, I believe it will work.
A couple of days ago, a doctor told me the fevers is your body fighting the illness. I told you, and you said, "Derick, what kind of fever is this. I just want it to stop."
I bite my tongue a lot these days. I pinch the palm of my hands, too. In some way, if we could share your pain, divide it in half, I'd gladly take half of it. You are my friend, my best friend, and you will get through this. I need you to be optimistic. Everyday, I need you to see the sickness reducing.
In the past, a lot of people have reached out to me to tell me how, at some point in their lives, my words have been a medium of catharsis. Today, I realize it's not enough. I wish my words could be a miracle. I need you to see my words as miracle.
