Good evening Ladies of Hive. This is going to be an unusual (not so much) post but I do hope it all makes sense because I feel like I'm about to explode and I have to get rid of this negativity some how.
We all go through that period of the month as Ladies. Not just the physical pain (cramps), I do wonder, does any other woman go through the emotional and mental exhaustion the Red Dragon arrives with?
For years, I've been trying to deal with this part of the menstrual cycle that attacks my state of mind; just like a blizzard, it storms and it leaves me hanging, trying to piece together all that it destroyed.
They call it PMS-ing but sometimes I feel it's way more even though it's not. Apart from the physical symptoms; full tender breasts, cramps, acne, etc. The mental symptoms such as Moodiness, Depression, etc; I majorly come out of my menstruation a total and obvious mess. A lot left unsaid, a whole new habit forms and for months, it destroys me.
There's the feeling of being totally alone, the lack of sleep (7 days straight) with just an hour or two in-between days, the feeling of failure and then the guilt.
It's always the guilt; leaves me numb, pulls me away from things I love, routes me in endless cycle of questions, doubting who I am, what I've become, who I'll be.
Then the insecurities, the fears, the anxiety that leaves me shaking and sweating buckets at night; seeing things that are not even real. The feeling of total vulnerability makes me lash out at the most purest of friendly gestures, "I don't need your pity" my mind would growl.
As the days pass, these feelings begin to fade and I'm left in a dark pit to pick up the pieces.
The words I can't take back, the hurt I can't undo and the total loss of mind. Then comes the days of reminiscing, wishing I could take it all back, overthinking simple things and the cycle just like my menstrual flow, repeats all over again.
As always I let it happen calling myself weak for letting it. I don't know... Am I the only one that goes through all this?
I'd highly appreciate feedback.
