The fact I had to jump through hoops to purchase Hive so I could get HP to respond to the comment pisses me off about this blogging shit here already. In no world does that even make sense!

Generally you shouldn't need this. Most account creation services give a little delegation of HP with the new account, and otherwise you can always ask on the Hive Telegram group or the Hive Discord servers, there's always someone willing to help a newbie get started.