For the last two years I have been taking care of my parents. First my dad was diagnosed with terminal liver cancer. It was too late for chemo or surgery. I moved in with my parents to help my mother take care of my dad. He passed Christmas eve 2014. I continued to live with my mom while she worked through the loss of my dad. A few months later she was diagnosed with stage 4 throat cancer. The next year we went trough surgeries, chemo and radiation. Thankfully she is clear of cancer, but her will to live is not what it once was.
For that whole time I had put my own life on hold, it was something that i wanted to do for them. Now that my mother is better, i want to go back to work. I want to have a life again. Unfortunately my mom has stopped trying to take care of herself. She stopped trying all together. I try to get her to take care of herself but her responses are discouraging. Its eating me up inside that she wont do anything for herself. There is only so much I can do for her now.
Every time I leave the house for several hours i come back to a bad situation. Either I find her passed out over a chair or on the floor. A few times I can home to an ambulance taking her to the hospital. It makes me not want to leave her alone at all. I'm struggling on what to do anymore. Depression has taken a strong hold over me. I cant financially contribute because I'm truly afraid to leave. I don't want to come home and find her alone, deceased. It would tear me up inside even more.
While i am so worried about her, I am increasingly worrying about myself. I have to find a balance between taking care of her, and taking care of myself. I am just not sure how to handle it yet. Right now I feel that this, taking care of my mother is all I have left in my life. My friends don't call anymore. I don't go out to bars or parties. Although not being able to earn a living has contributed to this. I feel lost. I feel like the cancer left her and is now eating away at what little I have left. I am trying to strong and fight. For now, I am not sure which one of us will win. Thanks for reading. I appreciate any comments on what i wrote about. I am not an English teacher so do not expect my grammar to be perfect. And if that all you have to comment about, please keep it to yourself. Respect is something every human being has earned at birth.
