I told someone recently that my first mother-in-law was just an awesome person. Her son not so much and I think even she knew this. I miss her a lot. She passed away in 2004. I miss our talks, our visits, our lunches and pretty much everything. She was always supportive and encouraging. I don't talk a lot about my first marriage and I won't say much now other than to clarify that it was an abusive relationship both physically and mentally and he was the abuser. She knew this and even after the divorce she still treated me like family. She was also an awesome and loving grandmother to my daughter and her grandchild. My last Christmas with him he took the Christmas tree we had and put it out in the rain for the trash pick-up with ornaments on it that my parents had given me. It was already gone before I got home from work that day. They weren't expensive ornaments but they did have sentimental value and could never be replaced either by sentiment or by possession.
Chronologically, the next worst Christmas was when my own mother passed away in 2017. I was the one who gave her the morphine to help her on her way in hospice during Christmas of 2016. Cancer had spread throughout her body yet she never made a complaint as to any pain she most likely had. That was her way even as I was growing up. My mother (and father) was one of the most selfless people I have known in my life. She died just a few days into January which is usually on my mind this time of year. I know that she and my father are in a better place though so I am mostly at peace with it as dying is a part of life. I hope to meet them someday again when I take that journey Home.
My next worst Christmas I've had was this recent one. You see as awesome as a mother-in-law my first one was the second one has been just a terrible person at times. I came into the family late where other bonds were formed and I knew (for a fact) that my new sister-in-law did not like me very much. She is also my husband's sister-in law. I had come into the family from outside of the area so some might say they or some of them were snobs and I would agree. There are so many instances where my current mother-in-law has said such hurtful and mean things to me or done hurtful and mean things to me and it always seems that she loves an audience. Some of these things even shock members of her audiences. Mind you, she and a couple of others didn't treat my daughter (a child at the time) much better and probably worse as she was just a child when they treated her badly. My husband and I do have a son together and even he has been treated differently. My mother-in-law practically raised a grandson by her daughter and many many times, sometimes weeks at a time, watched the sister-in-laws two kids. The sil (sister-in-law) was, at the time, a stay at home mother too. I could count on one hand how many times she watched my children and probably have a couple of fingers left over. When she did, she would yell at my daughter to watch her brother. There is a ten year difference between my daughter and son but she was still a child. My daughter was "called out" for any infraction by the mil and sil but the other grandkids could do the exact same thing and it was okay. Both of my children are grown now and my daughter chooses to not be around them which I completely understand.
Well, she had an audience of about fifteen or so people this Christmas. Mostly all family but an audience none the less. Towards the end of the gathering while everyone was sitting around in the same room she chose to say one of her hurtful and mean things directed at me and concerning my daughter. Something that she could have easily had talked to me about in private. I was in shock and excused myself from the room and spent about thirty minutes in their bathroom crying and only came out to leave once people had left the room. Honestly, the crying spells haven't let up much. She had done it again and no one ever takes up for me but they continue to make stupid excuses for her. I don't doubt at all that her "favorite" daughters were in on it as well. I don't take up for myself either at these times mostly because I'm just in shock and, honestly, I wasn't raised to treat people like how they treat and have treated me and my daughter.
I don't think anything will change as far as this family is concerned and if it did then I think they would be acting fake and phony themselves. I think I'm also going to take myself out of that family. I love my fil (father-in-law) and bil (brother-in-law) but I won't be attending any more holidays with them. I also won't attend any birthdays, weddings, funerals or anything. I will just be dead to them. I told my husband to return any gifts they got me as they are meaningless and I don't want them. I think after twenty years of being treated horribly by them that I've just about had enough!
End of rant!
Text and photo by me 