I did not like myself much for a long time. Would not have said that out loud back then. Would have deflected or made a joke. But if i am being completely honest the way i spoke to myself privately was something i would never have said to another person i cared about.
Every mistake kept score. Every embarrassing moment replayed. Every flaw examined closely. A constant low level harshness that just lived in the background like noise i had gotten so used to i stopped noticing it was there.
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And i kept looking outside myself for things to fill what that created. Needed validation from people. Needed approval from places it was never guaranteed. Built relationships where i quietly required the other person to make me feel acceptable because i had not figured out how to do that for myself.
That is an unfair amount of pressure to put on another person. And it does not work the way you hope it will. Because the thing you are trying to fill is on the inside and external things patch it temporarily at best.
The relationship you have with yourself quietly sets the standard for everything else in your life. How you allow people to treat you. What you believe you are allowed to want. Whether you speak up when you should or shrink when it matters. How much you trust your own instincts. Whether you believe your needs are worth taking seriously.
All of it traces back to that private ongoing conversation you are having with yourself that nobody else hears.
Rebuilding that is not fast work. It is not linear either. Some weeks genuinely feel like progress and then something happens and you are back talking to yourself the same old way. That is normal. It does not mean you are failing.
But the work is worth doing. Not because it makes you confident all the time or free from self doubt permanently. But because it makes you honest with yourself. Grounded in yourself. Actually yours.
You will spend more time alone with your own thoughts than you will spend with any other person in your entire life.
That relationship deserves the same patience and care you give to everyone else.
Start there. Build from there. Everything else follows.
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