For a long time, I used to think being polite and being kind were the same thing. If you say “please,” “sorry,” and “thank you,” then you are a good person. That was my simple understanding of being polite to me. But as I started paying more attention to people and even to myself, I began to notice a difference. A quiet one, but very real.
Politeness is something we learn early through meeting different people. My parents taught me to greet elders, to speak respectfully, to not interrupt when others are talking. These things are important, no doubt about it. They help us live peacefully with others. But I later realized that politeness can sometimes stay on the surface.
You can be polite to someone and still not care about them which are very true. You can smile, greet, even speak softly, yet inside you are not really concerned about how the other person feels. I’ve seen that happen, and if I’m honest, I’ve done it too.
Kindness feels different.
Kindness goes a little deeper than words. It shows in actions, in small things people don’t always notice. It’s when you help someone even when there is no benefit for you. It’s when you listen properly, not just waiting for your turn to speak. It’s when you choose not to hurt someone, even when you have the chance.
I learned this from my Uncle that once said something that stayed with me: “Good manners are good, but a good heart is better.” At that time, I didn’t fully understand it. Now I do. Because kindness comes from the heart, not just from habit.
There was a time I was going through something stressful, and many people were polite to me. They greeted me, spoke normally, nothing wrong. But there was one person who noticed I wasn’t okay. They didn’t do anything big, just asked, “Are you alright?” and actually waited for my answer. That small moment meant more than all the polite conversations I had that day.
Politeness can be practiced without feeling, but kindness requires awareness. It requires you to slow down and see people, not just pass by them.
I still try to be polite, of course. It matters. But now I also try, even if I fail sometimes, to be kind in a more real way.
Because at the end of the day, people may forget your polite words… but they rarely forget how your kindness made them feel.
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