The man who helped me learn how to ride a bicycle, Mr. Martin, died this past week. He was a good man who lived a good life, and those of us he helped along the way have been sharing their thoughts about him this week on social media, where heart-warming stories of his generosity have emerged. These wonderful stories led to more remarks about other memories among my childhood friends and the church we grew up in, and some aren’t quite as heart-warming, but are equally impressionable.
These memories led me to do a little internet research, and to this captivating album cover above, which has attracted some attention over the years. This is now my favorite album cover of all time, and that force of nature you see up there happened to be from our little church. He left Ohio though, and spent his life going around spreading the good news by breaking things, hitting people, and cutting fruits and vegetables off of their bellies. He even cut a watermelon off of Michael Jordan at one point, which sent MJ to the hospital.
About once a year he’d return home for a visit, which happened to be my least favorite day of the year. Crain would talk for awhile about how great he was, and then he would get a “volunteer” from the crowd and harm them in some way, either verbally or physically. Thankfully he never chose me, but he did cut a potato off of one friend, and then punched another after making fun of his “furniture disease”, which according the the karatist preacher, is when your “chest falls into your drawers”.
I had hoped to forget Mr. Crain, but his work lives on, in our memories, and now forever, here on the internet. If only he could have been a little more like Mr. Martin then this world would be a much kinder and gentler place. But I guess this world gives us all kinds, and as my friend Jake so poetically wrote today, there’s “...nothing like Hillbillies with Samurai swords to spread the gospel.”
Click below for a little taste of karatist preacher’s good news, and don't hesitate to share your favorite album covers in the comments below.
