Never interrupt your opponent while he's making a mistake.
Sarcasm helps keep people from understanding you're saying what you really think of them.
I once prayed to God for a bike, but quickly found out He didn't work that way—so I stole a bike and prayed for His forgiveness.
A train station is where the train stops. A bus station is where the bus stops. On my desk, I have a work station...
You can't be late until you show up.
War doesn't determine who's right—it determines who's left.
If you think things can't get worse, it's probably only because you lack sufficient imagination.
Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.
Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.
Books have knowledge, knowledge is power, power corrupts, corruption is a crime, and crime doesn't pay. So if you keep reading, you'll go broke.
You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
It may look like I'm doing nothing, but I'm actively waiting for my problems to go away.
Every rule has an exception, especially this one.
History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives. ~ Abba Eban
The United States is a nation of laws: badly written and randomly enforced. ~ Frank Zappa
Don't let your mind wander—it's too little to be let out alone.
Life's a bitch; if it were easy it'd be a slut.
I'd call you a tool, but even they serve a purpose.
Death is life's way of telling you that you've been fired. Suicide is your way to tell life, "You can't fire me, I quit!"
Never argue with idiots. They drag you down to their level, then beat you with experience.
