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Daily Joker
@dailyjoke
39
something funny once a day
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Created
2017-10-30 13:44
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dailyjoke
fun
9y
The AI in these smart phones are getting pretty good...I entered my food intake this week and the ambulance is already at my house!
The AI in these smart phones are getting pretty good...I entered my food intake this week and the ambulance is already at my house!
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dailyjoke
fun
9y
The blond studied hard before going to the mechanic to avoid getting ripped off. So she knew it was a good deal when the mechanic sold her the turn-signal fluid.
The blond studied hard before going to the mechanic to avoid getting ripped off. So she knew it was a good deal when the mechanic sold her the turn-signal fluid.
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dailyjoke
fun
9y
Donald could save money by building the wall with Hillary's emails...noone can get over them!
Donald could save money by building the wall with Hillary's emails...noone can get over them!
dailyjoke
fun
9y
I'm perturbed by the thought that both the optimist and pessimist agreed with me when I asked them “is this the best world we can produce?”
I'm perturbed by the thought that both the optimist and pessimist agreed with me when I asked them “is this the best world we can produce?”
dailyjoke
fun
9y
Who's smarter a dolphin that evades human capture and has to hunt for food in the wild, or the one that gets caught and gets his food thrown to him everyday?
Who's smarter a dolphin that evades human capture and has to hunt for food in the wild, or the one that gets caught and gets his food thrown to him everyday?
dailyjoke
fun
9y
The car honks outside the bar that Pavlov walks into, he says, "Damn, I forgot to feed the dog."
The car honks outside the bar that Pavlov walks into, he says, "Damn, I forgot to feed the dog."
dailyjoke
fun
9y
I just remembered again that my therapist told me a couple years ago that I have problems about letting go of the past
I just remembered again that my therapist told me a couple years ago that I have problems about letting go of the past
dailyjoke
fun
9y
Whoops I just saw your text from yesteday...are you still at the movies?
Whoops I just saw your text from yesteday...are you still at the movies?
dailyjoke
fun
9y
When the husband retires, the wife gains a full-time job.
When the husband retires, the wife gains a full-time job.
dailyjoke
fun
9y
A liberal is just a conservative that hasn't been outside yet.
A liberal is just a conservative that hasn't been outside yet.
dailyjoke
fun
9y
3 hours passed since I left for an errand and returned and my blond girlfriend was still staring at the orange juice container. I said what on earth are you doing? She said the container says 'concentrate'
3 hours passed since I left for an errand and returned and my blond girlfriend was still staring at the orange juice container. I said what on earth are you doing? She said the container says 'concentrate'
dailyjoke
fun
9y
I had had enough and I had to put my foot down when my wife said 'stop impersonating a flamingo'.
I had had enough and I had to put my foot down when my wife said 'stop impersonating a flamingo'.
dailyjoke
fun
9y
“MAYDAY MAYDAY! We're going down!” the helicopter pilot screamed. “What happened?!” shouted the control tower. The blond pilot yelled back “It was getting cold so I turned the fan off!”
“MAYDAY MAYDAY! We're going down!” the helicopter pilot screamed. “What happened?!” shouted the control tower. The blond pilot yelled back “It was getting cold so I turned the fan off!”
dailyjoke
fun
9y
I think I might be getting old, my beard no longer implies 'Distinguished Gentleman” instead it seems to be getting me senior discounts when I shop
I think I might be getting old, my beard no longer implies 'Distinguished Gentleman” instead it seems to be getting me senior discounts when I shop
dailyjoke
fun
9y
My wife said nothing would make her happier for Christmas than a diamond tiara. I can't wait until she opens her box of nothing!
My wife said nothing would make her happier for Christmas than a diamond tiara. I can't wait until she opens her box of nothing!
dailyjoke
fun
9y
When I was young I had this rare disease that the only way I could survive was eating dirt 3 times a day. I'm still happy my older brother knew how to fix this disease.
When I was young I had this rare disease that the only way I could survive was eating dirt 3 times a day. I'm still happy my older brother knew how to fix this disease.
dailyjoke
fun
9y
I'm thinking that Google miiiiight be a woman. She's always giving me suggestions before I even finish typing.
I'm thinking that Google miiiiight be a woman. She's always giving me suggestions before I even finish typing.
dailyjoke
fun
9y
Sometimes it's difficult explaining adult things to children. I told my 4 year old son it's perfectly normal to poop your pants, but he still is laughing at me.
Sometimes it's difficult explaining adult things to children. I told my 4 year old son it's perfectly normal to poop your pants, but he still is laughing at me.
dailyjoke
fun
9y
My boss congratulated me for my job well done...with more work.
My boss congratulated me for my job well done...with more work.
dailyjoke
fun
9y
Who else is a good multi-tasker? I've mastered wasting time, procrastinating, and not doing anything ...all at the same time!
Who else is a good multi-tasker? I've mastered wasting time, procrastinating, and not doing anything ...all at the same time!
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