@d-pendAnyway, this post is not meant to hyperfocus too much on this project specifically, as it will have its own lengthy write-up in good time — but rather, to examine the energetic consequence of "completing" and releasing a creative project of any kind. As many of my writings are, it will be an abstract journaling and public talking-through of some of the identifiable characteristics of what I experience as "The Postproject Blues," as well as a paradoxical exploration of the nonsensicalness of the very ideas that underly the seeming experience.
My primary motives in writing anything at all are to process the existential overwhelm of living, to connect potentially with all of existence including every so-called entity, and to magnify the simple Joy and purposefulness that derives from the determination to be useful in one way or another.
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Creative projects are a form of offspring, imbued by their creators (us) with of many qualities of ourselves. There is a reason why the noun "conception" is used with regards to ideas, visions, plans, and projects. Following the moments of initial conception, there is a variable period of gestation in which the creation is in a semilatent state as it develops through the stages of its internal growth. Unlike the common understanding of physical birth, the timeline is entirely nonlinear and can go through many fits and starts as well as long halts in which little seems to occur towards the completion of the conception. Eventually, the project is "born" into actuality and is made available to the collective consciousness in some concrete form, at which point it begins to "grow up" and develop surprising aspects somewhat independent of its creator.
There is an astounding (though understandable) view in the Western world that thoughts and ideas are personal, and even the personal (intellectual) property of those who are most well-known for espousing them. From the perspective of a broader understanding of the Universe, this appears as an absurdity — as all ideas are eventually understood to be permutations of Reality expressed as limited degrees of comprehension of immutable Truths, glimpsed through the colored filters of partial perception. As such, all knowledge available to be expressed as ideas has always and will always exist.
Applying a more collective analysis to creative projects based on the above might offer us an expanded view of what may cause the "Postproject Blues." All human beings are blessed and cursed by self-consciousness, imbued with the cunning pridefulness (as well as fragility and self-pity) of the egoic construct. To various extents artists (a term I apply liberally to all who create Art — all those that breathe, make breeze) labor under the delusion that they are alone responsible for the results of their work. If one possesses (or is possessed by) an ego, one cannot help but inhabit some position on this infinite polarity stretching from absolute Egoism to absolute Nonegoism.
Said another way, the vast majority can neither claim absolute ownership over their Art no matter how devoted they are to Service to Self, nor deny all involvement through complete abnegation. Our personalities, selfish aspirations, personal dreams and even vivid delusions are all entangled with what (and how) we create.
For me, the "Postproject Blues" often expresses itself as a sort of "comedown" from the exhilaration of being highly engaged in a well-defined pursuit. It is the bittersweet realization that one has (to an extent) achieved what one set out to do — just so, and no further. It is a sort of collapse of the inflated worth vested into a creative offspring, a disillusionment of the attempt to live vicariously through the potential of the creative child.
For every project it is different — though it is common for regret, pride, guilt, shame, and purer joy to mingle freely in one's contemplations of a completion. Nearly always, the thought "This could be better, this does not convey the original inspiration 100% accurately" passes through the mind. Shame can come to the extent that one has not fully mastered the medium by which one creates — and, truly, who can say they have reached the fullest extension of what can possibly be done? Even the guru seeks continual learning through experience to further refine one's ability to connect seemingly disparate elements into a majestic tapestry of beauty.
One reason why I am drawn to (and adore) creativity of all sorts, is that it tends to function as a sort of mirror for ourselves. Perhaps it is akin to the fervent desire that arises in the parent of physical children to become better for their sake. There is often a purer love for offspring then can even be mustered for oneself, so perhaps to create earnestly helps guide us towards a truly unconditional self-love. In all cases, one is brought the opportunity to accept that no creation is an exact reflection of the concepts (delusions) that seem to us to bring it into existence. Nothing is ever "done" but feeds back into the infinite pool of creativity that remains ever-virile to spring forth into even more surprising forms.
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Thank you for taking the time to read these reflections
and helping me, by your readership, to journey further
towards my own acceptance of the Continuous.
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With love,
Daniel /
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words, images, and video by
compiled for HIVE on Dec. 29, 2020.
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