Thank you @yashny I just survived because of all the help of people around me and by the mercy of God. I did all my best to survive and it is just my body is a real tough nut to crack, part of it is my fear to die a lingering death which is why I am doing what I can to stay afloat.

It has been a life full of frustration and grief but I am still clinging to hope that maybe I can get things go into what I wanted to happen if God wills it for me. God bless you.