I am so sorry about your pain issues @karenb54 :(
I myself just wanted to die too but it is just weird that I still wanted to see the light of another day if I am able to breathe and my pain alleviates after taking an NSAID pain reliever but when the painreliever sets in again I would think about dying again.
But pain is still the least of my worries because I do have much to worry about, so this lifetime of mine really is just a clusterfuck of bad things a person should not experience but I unfortunately have it all. 😢