Thank you for your kind words @chocolatescorpi and yes I am a dilemma and complication on two legs, it is terribly hard to manage my life in many aspects but I am surviving because of the mercy of God or maybe a punishment from him because it is just a torture living like this everyday with so much uncertainty, fear, worries, frustration, and sadness in my life.
I am just fortunate that I have friends here that continues to support me otherwise I might have been a goner a long time ago.