I still experience a great deal of pain especially when I move around which is why I am always confined to my bed. I am worried that if I would try to walk around using a walker or a cane or that crutches that I bought about three years ago that I will just going to injure my joints or fall or trip over and break a bone or two.
My feet's joints aren't doing any progress as well because they are painful to walk with and it is just frustrating because I was once an able person even with being a dialysis patient for sometime I can still walk long distances many years ago.
I was born normal, I can still run and walk in my younger years but now I am way not the one I used to be as even my appearance had changed. But I feel like I am the same person like in my younger years. It is just now I am no longer a bit naive from a lot of things, I had become more serious and is longing for greater things.
Right now I am just wanting to achieve a more seemingly impossible thing to happen and that motivates me to go forward with my life rather than to just be idle. I maybe idling physically but my mind is just like a wandering nomad, always on the go and trying to get as busy as I could with my mind so that I will not get crazy because of this condition that I have I just have to distract myself from all my problems.
But when pain grips me it makes me feel down and realize that I can never reach to achieve what I wanted to happen. That is why even though it is hard to take my medicines plus they are expensive I am just trying to continue on taking them because they are my ticket to not getting worse with my bone issues.
I still needed to take some pain medications, they make me feel well and sometimes I could sleep good even though NSAIDs are not narcotics but when my pains alleviate I just could taste when normal person should feel like because a normal person doesn't experience pains.
If only being a dialysis patient doesn't give you these awful medical complications. I can accept to be weak but not fragile and disabled plus suffering a facial deformity is just too much for me as it affected my social life. I also fear of getting judged by other people because some just would say I got this condition because I am a so and so.
But I did experienced getting prejudiced, all because of my appearance that I was treasuring before but now it too was taken away from me. But was worse as it is my appearance is the least of my worries because for now I am focusing on my pain issues and preventing my bone degeneration. I just want prayers for my longing to get more improvement, please pray for me if you care. Thank you all my friends and may God bless you always.
